Seto in Chaos Land
by Chaos Valkyrie
Summary: The Fellowhip storms the castle! ...Well, sorta.
1. Right at Home

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 01, v.1:** January 28, 2004  
**Posted Chapter 01, v.2:** December 23, 2005  
**Updated:** March 31, 2006

**Disclaimer:** Not that you can see me, so take my word for it, I look nothing like Takahashi-san who created the Yu-Gi-Oh we all know and love. Hell, I'm not even a man, so if I did look like him, it would be quite disturbing. Anywho, I don't own, yada yada yada, don't sue. Also don't own "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" or "Alice in Wonderland", or anything else I've unwittingly sto– er, _borrowed _from.

**Author's Note:** This is just a spoof. There will be Out-Of-Characterness in this _very_ Alternate Universe. This is a rewrite of the previously-removed-by-FFnet story. The original was scripted, and while I like that version better, at least now this will (hopefully) remain posted. Both versions will be posted at the website, whenever I get it finished. Oh, and all opening and end notes will mostly be straight from the original, so enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter One: Right At Home**

Seto Kaiba was pissed. He groggily sat up, trying blink away his massive headache without much success.

"Where the Hell am I?" he groans. "Mokuba? Where are you…" he trails off as he really takes a good look at his surroundings.

He was lying on a hill, and it sure as Hell wasn't any hill in Domino. The landscape about him was covered with yellowish-looking grass, and the sky was a bright red. The mountains in the distance were tinged a nasty greeny-pink colour. Then he blinks as he sees a girl walking up the hill towards him, fiddling with a really big remote control.

The girl is wearing blue jeans, a black tee-shirt, and black boots, which is normal enough. Her hair, however, is a deep shade of purple, and her eyes as she got closer were tinged a much brighter shade of violet. And she is muttering to herself.

"Damn colour panel. What the hell is cyan anyway? And why is it Red Blue Green?" She shakes her head. "Green ain't no primary colour!" she yells to the landscape at large. She pushes a few buttons, and the grass turns orange.

Seto's eyebrow rose, but anything he might have said was interrupted by the sound of footsteps running up the hillside behind her.

"Aw shit," she gripes, fiddling with the buttons faster.

A normal-looking boy came over the crest of the hill. "Hey! Give the Remote back!"

"No," the girl tells him.

"You are a girl, and therefore not entitled to hold the Remote Control! It's a guy toy!" he tells her, holding out his hand expectantly.

The girl smirks, tightening her grip. "That sounds so wrong."

Her boy glowers at her in response. "You know what I meant. Now give it."

The girl sighs. "Why don't you just get up to change the channels on the set itself?"

The boy just gives her The Look. "If God wanted us to do that, He wouldn't have created Remote Controls now, would He?"

The girl considers this. "All right, fix the landscape and you can have it back," she concedes.

"You're the one who messed it up in the first place. Here," he says, snatching the Remote. Approximately two seconds later, the landscape returns to normal. Well, what most people consider normal. The girl merely looked disgruntled.

"How did you do that?" she asks crossly.

"It's a guy thing. We're good at handling these mechanical kinds of gizmos," the boy answers smugly. Just then, another male voice carries up over the hill.

"Hey, half-time's almost over!"

The boy's head jerks up. "Bye!" he calls, racing back down the hillside.

The girl watches him leave in annoyance. "Yeah, I'll bet that's not all you're good at handling, jerk-off…" she trails off, turning towards where Seto is still sitting in the (now) green grass. "Hubba hubba! Where did you come from?" she replies, her entire demeanor perking up.

"I _know_ where I came from! Where am I _now_ and how the Hell did I get here? And where's my little brother!" he asks angrily. The girl merely grins.

"Quite a little foul mouth, aren't ya? You tell me… what do you remember?" she asks.

Seto pauses, recalling the events of his day. "I remember seeing this white rabbit with a pocket watch running towards his hole…"

"And you passed that by…" the girl adds encouragingly.

"Yes. Then there was this wardrobe with these four geeky kids climbing in it…"

"And you passed that by too…" the girl adds.

Seto's forehead creased in confusion. "Yes. Then something like a Big Hammer hit me upside the head… and that's all I remember…"

"A Big Hammer, huh? Like this?" she asks, pulling out a really Big Hammer from thin air.

Seto's eyes narrow. "Yes…" he snarls.

"Oh. 'Kay." She returns the Hammer from whence it came. "Well, let me be the first to Welcome you to Chaos Land!"

"Chaos Land?" Seto repeats. "And just who are you supposed to be, the official greeter?"

"Nope, I haven't got any happy face stickers on me. I'm Chaos!" she replies cheerily, flipping her hair and winking at him.

Seto sighs. "So, how long have you been here?"

Chaos looks around. "About ten minutes, but…"

Seto interrupts her. "Let me guess, you feel right at home, don't you?"

Chaos smiles. "Yup!"

Seto rises to his feet, muttering under his breath, "Figures. First person I meet is the resident nut-job," as he starts to walk away down the hillside.

Chaos' eyes widen. "Wait!" she cries. When he pauses expectantly, she runs up and glomps him.

Seto flinches. "What was that for?" he asks, pulling himself free.

Chaos grins. "No reason! Just because I can!" Seto glares at her. "Anywho," she continues, "you won't get very far without me!"

Seto began walking again. "And why not?" he asks reluctantly over his shoulder.

Chaos replies as if the answer should be obvious. "Because this is _Chaos_ Land, and you won't find your brother or the way out without my help…"

Seto stops and glares at her once again. "I thought you said you've only been here ten minutes!"

Chaos grins. "I lied. By 'here' I meant the hill."

Seto considers his options. Then, as Chaos patiently waits, he reconsiders his options, hoping he might have missed something. He sighs disgustedly, shrugging his shoulders in distasteful defeat.

"All right, show me how to get home…" he grumbles.

Chaos cheers. "All righty! Let's go!" she exclaims, grabbing his arm and pulling him down the hillside behind her.

* * *

**Chaos Val:** All right, there's the setup! Bit slow, but hopefully it will get better as it goes!

**Seto:** Liar.

**Chaos Val:** Bite me.

**Seto:** Where's my little brother, anyway?

**Chaos Val: **He'll come in later with the Exposition.

**Exposition:** You called?

**Chaos Val:** (Pulls out Hammer and hits him with it.) Not yet! Later! Get back!

**Exposition: **Oro… (wobbles out)

**Seto:** What's the deal with the Hammer?

**Chaos Val:** You'll find out later… (laughs maniacally)

**Seto:** O.O() Help me!


	2. Fishing

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 02, v.1:** January 28, 2004  
**Posted Chapter 02, v.2:** March 17, 2006  
**Updated:** March 31, 2006

**Chaos Val:** We're back!

**Seto: **Why me?

**Chaos Val:** Because you're mean in the series, for the most part, and so the other characters consider this Just Desserts.

**Just Desserts:** (enters making loud nasty smacking noises)

**Chaos Val:** Back fiend! (Hammer reappears, does its job, leaves)

**Just Desserts:** . (follows Exposition's lead)

**Seto: **Now do we get learn about the Hammer?

**Chaos Val:** Nope. Not yet… I've got plans for the Hammer! (maniacal laughter)

**Seto: **Gulp. (runs for it)

**Chaos Val:** (shakes head) Anyhow, I'm still a woman, surprise surprise, so I don't own Rurouni Kenshin either. However, I do have a Nokia cell phone, just not any shares in the company.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Fishing**

Seto followed the strange Chaos down the hill and into a dimly-lit forest. 'Followed' being an extremely loosely-applied term… more like 'dragged-forcefully-almost-against-his-will'. Whatever. Seto glared rather ineffectively at the back of her head before sighing in defeat.

"So, where are we going?" he asks reluctantly.

"Fishin'," came the succinct reply. Seto was not amused.

"FISHING! What for! I want my little brother!" he exclaims, angrily attempting to stop on the trail they were now following through the trees. Chaos, however, keeps tugging him along as she snorts in amusement.

"Sheesh, open up your mouth a little wider next time you scream. The people in Happy Fun Land didn't quite catch that," she retorts. Seto glowers in response. She looks over at him and grins.

"You do realize you're cute when you glare like that, don't you?" she tells him sweetly. He growls, his eye twitching in annoyance. Her smile widens as she relents and explains the purpose behind their little trip. "Anywho, we're goin' down to the hole to see if anyone knows about your little brother," she explained. "A lot of people gather 'round down there… someone will surely know _something _about where he is."

The unlikely duo continued to walk through the Chaos Woods. Seto almost went into sugar shock at the syrupy display of happy little fuzzy bunnies and cute bambi-like deer trotting about them, all of which Chaos forcefully ignored. However, she didn't bother hiding her satisfaction as a rabid Little Pink Cat emerged from the underbrush and jumped one of the deer. The other stupid fuzzy animals continued grazing as the Little Pink Cat tore into the once happy deer, spraying blood and guts all over the clearing. Chaos stopped and watched in interest.

"Reminds me of when I got my ears pierced…" she states off-handedly. Seto looks at her and grimaces.

"I do _not_ want to know," he responds with some finality. Chaos nods, distracted as another person entered the clearing.

"That's mean! Stupid cat! We should all be friends…" Téa Gardner blathers whilst trying to shoo the feral cat away. The Little Pink Cat growls, annoyed at the interruption of its meal. Chaos, on the other hand, whips out the almighty Hammer and bashes Téa with it, knocking the perky cheerleader unconscious.

"What is that thing!" Seto asks, completely unconcerned by his Arch-Rival's friend's injury.

"The Sledgehammer of Cynicism," (See Note 1 at bottom) Chaos states, putting it back away… wherever it came from. She turns to the Little Pink Cat and grins. "Go to town, kitten." She waves at Téa's unconscious form for emphasis. The Cat jumps her without further to-do.

"Me-row!" it 'roars', waking Téa in the process. She wakes up and screams as she is horribly mutilated by fuzzy pink Death. Seto watchs with a satisfied smirk.

"I think I may like you after all," he admits reluctantly. Chaos beams at him.

"Really!" she exclaims. Seto winces in reply.

"Um, turn the beam down and I'll consider it." Chaos shrugs and walks up to the set, changing the beam setting manually.

"See, it's not that hard!" she declares.

The pair continue through the woods without further mishap until they reach the fishing hole. Random Anime characters and 'real people' are scattered about the pond.

"Damn it, I'll never get a good catch! Stupid bait!" Josh glares at the cheap promotional 10-minute calling card dangling from his hook. A man nearby shakes his head, having heard this spiel before.

"Dude, I told you, you need to use better bait!" Dave tells him, hooking a three hour calling card to his own line and casting off.

"Umm, what exactly are they doing?" Seto asks.

"Fishing for cells. I would join them, but all I catch are crummy Nokias…" Chaos trails off as Dave reels in a whopper Sony Ericcson T610.

"Hah! Who's the man!" he cheers. Chaos frowns at him.

"You suck. Anyway, you guys seen any random kids laying about?" she asks the two fishermen. They look at each other and shrug.

"How random?" Josh asks. Chaos paused and thought about it.

"Umm, black haired with puppy dog eyes random," she replies. Dave shakes his head.

"Nope."

Chaos sighs, tugging Seto away. They walked along the shore as Chaos looks around for someone else to ask.

"Oh well, let's ask around…" she trails off, her eyes widening as she catches sight of her next victim… er, person. "Oh baby!" she cries, running over to a certain red-haired rurouni nearby.

"Oro!" Kenshin cries, using his God-like speed to jump up a nearby tree.

"Get down here! I'm not glomping, I'm on a rescue mission!" Chaos pouts. Kenshin looks down warily.

"Are you sure?" he calls. Seto sighs in disgust, putting a restraining arm about Chaos.

"I'll hold her back for you," he calls up the tree. Chaos beams once again.

"I didn't know you cared!" she gushes. Seto's eye twitch returns with a vengeance.

"Its only so I can find my brother, twit," he growls. Chaos rolls her eyes and continues to smile, sighing happily.

"Whatever. I'll just pretend and enjoy it while I can." Kenshin, meanwhile, had dropped back down to terra firma and was eyeing the pair with some misgiving.

"I'll help you, that I will. Just keep her back," the titian-haired man warns.

"What have I ever done to you?" Chaos asks. Kenshin whispers in her ear and she sweatdrops, giggling nervously.

"Oh, yeah, _that_. Well, anyway, we're trying to find his brother. You seen him? Shorter than Yahiko, much cuter too…" she trails off as a shinai-wielding youth with spiky hair storms up.

"Hey Busu! Take that back," Yahiko protests. Chaos frowns at him.

"No. Go play with your bokken," she dismisses him. Yahiko's eyes merely widen to only-in-anime proportions while Kenshin looks at Chaos in shock.

"Can you say that to a child?" he asks. Yahiko's eyes return to normal as he glares at the rurouni.

"I'm not a child!" he protests. Chaos dismisses him again.

"What he said," she refers to Kenshin. "Scat." Yahiko runs away, vastly annoyed.

"So, you seen him?" Chaos asks Kenshin, returning to more important matters. "Black hair, puppy dog eyes, severe case of Brother-worshiping?" Seto grunts at her description but keeps quiet as Kenshin ponders.

"I haven't seen him, that I haven't," the rurouni replies. Seto rolls his eyes.

"What's with all the 'that's' you keep spouting? You sound like a freak!" he tells the shorter man. Kenshin merely looks confused before displaying his typical rurouni grin.

"Oro?" he replies, swirly-eyed. Chaos snorts.

"Translation: He'll just ignore your hostility and pretend he actually has some real reason for talking like that…" she pauses, her voice dropping to a whisper, "Even though you're right."

"I heard that, that I did," Kenshin tells Chaos, "Perhaps I won't help you after all…" He tries to walk away, but Chaos whips out the Hammer and bops him one.

"Orororo," Kenshin moans from his new place on the ground.

"You may have God-like speed, but you'll never defeat the Almighty Hammer," Chaos jeers at him.

"God-like speed, huh?" Seto asks.

"That's what I hear from the ladies, anyway…" Chaos replies as she puts away the Hammer once again. Seto sweatdrops.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that…"

* * *

_Somewhere else not in Chaos Land…_

Mokuba wakes up, rubbing his temple groggily. "Where am I? Seto?" he asks, looking around blearily. He catches sight of a looming figure lurking in the shadows nearby…

A strangely familiar voice echoes from the darkness. "Mwahahahah! You are now in my clutches… again! Your brother will be mine!"

Mokuba groans, rolling his eyes. "Damn, not you again! And Seto doesn't swing that way, for your information!"

The figure sweatdrops. "…Really? Um… that's not what I want anyway! I just want what he has to offer… oh wait, that didn't come out right… Damn it!"

* * *

Exposition comes in with the all mighty Plot Hammer. Duels with Chaos Val, ends up in stalemate.

**Seto:** Stalemate!

**Chaos Val:** Do you think I'd really write myself losing? Pshaw. Anyway, the Plot has finally arrived, so I guess Exposition is here to stay.

**Exposition:** Yay!

**Seto:** Hey, where's my brother?

**Exposition:** (looks around furtively) Umm, not here. Oops.

**Seto:** Oops! That's all you can say is oops! (Grabs Plot Hammer, starts chasing Exposition.)

**Chaos Val: **I think I'm rubbing off on him. Anywho, any guesses as to who the Villain is? Mokuba gets kidnapped so often it won't be that easy to figure out! Hah! Oh, and before anyone complains, I'm not a Téa hater, I actually like her somewhat, but I just couldn't resist putting her in like that! Besides, the Hammer was going into bashing-withdrawal, I had to sacrifice her to the cause.

**Seto:** (comes back and throws Plot Hammer to the side) So, you going to explain the Hammer thing here, this Note 1 business?

**Chaos Val: **Oh, yeah. Note 1: The Hammer was born when talking to the self-same Dave above about dating and men… my direct quote: "I could never date a happy person, 'cause they'd be bouncing around and all happy and crap, and then I'd just have to take the Sledgehammer of Cynicism and crack 'em one with it."

**Seto:** (smiles) Maybe I will end up liking you!

**Chaos Val: **Really! (glomps him)

**Seto:** Grr… Get off me.

**Chaos Val:** Nope, you're too cute when you glare!

**Seto:** (vein-pops) Doh!

**Chaos Val: **See you guys soon!


	3. Archer in the Woods

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 03, v.1:** January 30, 2004  
**Posted Chapter 03, v.2:** March 31, 2006

**Kenshin:** (looks around) Where's Kaiba?

**Chaos Val:** Oh, he's still hiding from me after the glomp-fest I gave him at the end of the last chapter. The pansy.

**Seto:** (comes out from behind hiding bushes) I am not a pansy! (sweatdrops) Oh crap…

**Chaos Val: **(glomps him) I knew you couldn't resist me!

**Seto:** (to Kenshin and Exposition) A little help here?

**Kenshin: **Whatever. Better you than me.

Exposition walks over and uses Plot Hammer to break glass on red box labeled: 'Break Glass in Case of Rabid Fan Girls' and hands the 'Anti-Glomp Crowbar, v. 3.5', to Seto, who tries prying Chaos off with it.

**Kenshin: **(watches for a moment) Anyway, we can't begin the story until he gets free, so I'll go ahead and say that Chaos doesn't own me, Seto, or our respective animes, that she doesn't.

**Seto:** (now free) Thank God.

**Chaos Val:** (pouting) Sigh. I don't own Lord of the Rings either. Enjoy the story.

* * *

**Chapter Three: Archer in the Woods**

Seto, Chaos and Kenshin are walking through the woods, trying to find someone, anyone, who knows something about Mokuba's whereabouts.

"So, where is my brother? And where are we?" Seto asks, looking around.

"Little brother – no idea. Our location – the Forest of Despondency," Chaos replies, waving her hand about.

"How depressing," Seto retorts, his voice sarcastic as he tries to glare down some of the cutsie forest creatures frolicking nearby.

"I don't know, it's quite nice, that it is. Look at all the happy little deer and bunnies playing about." Kenshin smiles his doofy rurouni grin. Seto face-palms while Chaos merely shrugs.

"Hey, this is Chaos Land," she explains to Kaiba, "Things rarely make sense. If they did, I'd have to call it something else."

The three have just entered a small, sunlight clearing when the woods suddenly go quiet. Kenshin tenses, hand on his sakabato (I mean his sword! Nothing crude, minds-in-the-gutters!) while Chaos tries to grab Seto's arm, who narrowly avoids her.

Kenshin's eye dart to-and-fro nervously. "I can't hear anything… the birds, the animals, they've all gone quiet… I CAN'T HEAR ANY FISH!" He raves, panicking.

Seto eye-twitches. "What's that all about?"

Before Chaos can respond, a tall, lanky, drop-dead gorgeous elf steps into the clearing, and the fish resume garbling in the nearby woods. Chaos's jaw merely drops with a dopey grin as she begins to drool. Seto waves his hand in front of her face, getting no response.

"How'd you get her to do that?" he asks, impressed in spite of himself.

Legolas smirks. "I have that effect on girls. So, what are you three doing in these woods?"

"Searching… boy…" Chaos moans, recovering slowly. Seto rolls his eyes.

"We're searching for my little brother Mokuba. Have you seen him?"

"Nope. All I've seen is a small, foul creature roaming this forest with his 'precious'."

"You mean Gollum?" Kenshin asks, his head tilting.

"Again, no. It was –"

They are interrupted by a crashing noise in the nearby underbrush. Weevil enters the clearing, holding some kind of giant beetle in his hand and is stroking its shell.

"My Presssscious…" he croons.

Seto snorts. "Oh please. Can't you make a better joke than that!" He shakes his head at no one in particular.

The Authoress (also known as Chaos Val) pops into the clearing. "Sorry, best I could do…" (And she really means it.) She walks over and smacks story self back into awareness before returning to that big, general POV in the sky. Chaos regains coherency.

"Whaaat? Oh, dear, how long was I out?"

"Not long enough," Seto and Kenshin reply in unison. Chaos sticks her tongue out at them while Weevil wanders back off into the underbrush.

"Well, the way I see it, we're going to need to devise a strategy." She claps her hands together for emphasis. "Must get some of that. But first, let's pick a direction to go!"

Kenshin moves to one side of the clearing. "I vote for this path…" he states, indicating a trail with happy little bunnies and deer frolicking about, flowers growing, birds tweeting, you get it.

Legolas moves to the opposite side of the clearing from Kenshin. "I choose this direction…" His path is lined with ancient trees and is very somber and quiet. They all turn and look at Seto.

"Fine," he grunts, "I'll choose this one…" He moves to the path directly ahead of them, which is dark and foreboding, and about twenty degrees colder than the whole rest of the forest. They turn to Chaos for a decision. She, on the other hand, looks around frantically, unsure of which way to glomp.

"Ooooo, choices… eenie, meanie…"

"Just pick already!" Seto snarls.

"Ummm, okay!" She glomps Seto. He eye-twitches yet again.

"Grrrr… Where's that crowbar…"

* * *

_Somewhere else…_

A Strangely Familiar Villain is found watching his Monitor set to the Chaos Land General POV station. "Mwahahahaha! They will soon fall into my clutches!"

Mokuba looks up from the chair he is tied to and watches the monitor. "But that's not the right road to Ha-"

The Strangely Familiar Villain slams his glass down as he realizes the same thing. "Oh darn, you're right." He pouts.

Mokuba rolls his eyes. "This is going to be a long captivity."

* * *

**Chaos Val:** (still glomping Seto) Well, another short chapter, and only a few more members to recruit to our little band! I'm going to try and get them out of the way in the next couple of chapters, though.

**Seto:** (still trying to detach the authoress with Crowbar v. 3.5) Why won't this damn thing work!

**Chaos Val:** (rolls eyes) Silly. Those things get outdated so quickly. You need to upgrade to version 3.7 at least before another one will work on me.

**Seto:** What! (veinpops)

**Kenshin:** Anyway, she's got big plans coming up, that she does.

**Chaos Val: **Yup. Fight scenes, new familiar characters, sugar rushes, you name it!

**Legolas: **And more of me and all my elfish studliness. (smiles, light glinting off his pearly white teeth…)

**Chaos Val:** (drools dreamily) Yup…

**Seto: **(prying himself free) Thanks for that.

**Legolas: **(looking smug) Don't mention it.

**Chaos Val:** Next… time….


	4. A Fellowhip?

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 04:** February 1, 2004  
**Posted Chaoter 04, v.2:**June 2, 2006

**Seto:** (wanders in, decidedly Chaos-free) Wow, up to four chapters already?

**Chaos Val:** Yup. I like this story, and it's ridiculously easy to write for.

**Exposition: **That's because it's ridiculous.

**Chaos Val:** Basically. The serious stories take much more time to work on, because I'm a detail freak.

**Seto: **So, will I find my brother this chapter?

**Chaos Val:** Probably not. (gulps as Kaiba advances on her) But we'll find out where he is!

**Seto:** (glowers) We'd better.

**Legolas:** Ahem. (flashes brilliant, heart-warming smile) Anyway, Chaos does not own any of us…

**Kenshin:** Thank God.

**Legolas:** Nor does she own Yu-Gi-Oh, Lord of the Rings, Kenshin…

**Chaos Val:** Or Samurai Cat.

**All three Bishies: **Samurai Cat!

* * *

**Chapter Four: A Fellowhip?**

The four companions wander down the trail, Chaos desperately trying to cling to Seto's arm in fear, and failing miserably.

"How can I play a cute distressed damsel if you won't let me!" she asks Seto, both of them quite annoyed by this point. Seto snorts.

"A. I'm only traveling with you so I can find my brother. B. I've just regained feeling in my arm from the last time you glomped it, and since I have more respect for my nerve endings than for you, I'm not letting you cut off the blood flow again!" he snarls.

"Well, well, look at Mister Grouchy. Going in to Brother-Worship withdrawal, are we?" Chaos retorts. Seto growls at her.

Legolas starts counting party members. "All right, there are four of us now…"

"The elf can be taught!"

"…which means that we still need five more people to form a Fellowship." Legolas finishes, ignoring Chaos' snarkiness.

"A Fellowship?" Kenshin asks, tilting his head. Chaos rolls her eyes.

"Silly elf, to have a Fellowship we'd need a Ring…"

And Ryou steps out of the woods. "Oh my, you called?"

A short drum roll with cymbal crash can be heard. Seto winces at the bad pun.

"Such timing! But where's…" Chaos is cut off as Yugi steps out from behind Ryou.

"Who, me?" he asks chirpily.

Kenshin pats his head kindly. "And which dwarf are you again?"

Chaos and Yugi both anime-fall as Seto smiles evilly and starts laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Yugi growls as he gets back to his feet and Legolas smirks.

"Is he supposed to look like a rabid porcupine now?" the lanky elf asks.

Seto pauses, takes a deep breath…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Chaos shakes her head. "Take it from me – whatever look you were going for, it missed," she tells Yugi. The Puzzle flashes, and Yugi is suddenly a foot taller. Yami, for it is now he, glares at everyone threateningly.

Chaos sweatdrops. "Oh shit, we've pissed off the pharaoh."

The Ring flashes this time, and Ryou's hair becomes spikier as Yami Bakura takes over.

"You never said anything about him! I'm not doing anything that involves that baka pharaoh!"

Bakura and Yami glare at one another and start arguing. Random phrases such as 'stupid pharaoh' and 'baka tomb-robber' can be heard as they try to banish each other to the Shadow Realm.

Legolas looks confused. "Does this count as two or four new people?"

Chaos claps her hands. "We get four for the price of two! Now, just three more companions need to show up!"

* * *

Our Strangely Familiar Villain sits at his overly large banquet table, sipping wine... oh, sorry, the world's finest fruit juice. "I don't know why she hasn't told anyone who I am yet… It's not like they haven't figured it out by now…"

Mokuba rolls his eyes from where he is tied up nearby. "She's probably waiting for a cliffie… or sarcasm."

"Ohhh…"

* * *

Meanwhile, the woods around Seto & Company have become decidedly warmer and less scary. Chaos straightens from her stooped position in front of the TV set.

"There now, that wasn't so hard!" she chirps.

Kenshin leans over to Yami Bakura and whispers, "Why didn't she just use the remote?" Yami Bakura rolls his eyes.

"Stupid mortal. She's a girl… hello!"

Meanwhile, Seto has finally rejoined the world of the serious.

"All right, what'd I miss?" he asks, wiping his eyes. Legolas shrugs.

"Not much, just random scene jumps."

The Fellowship (minus 3) continues along through the forest, asking random characters along the way for any news of Kaiba's brother.

"Nope, haven't seen him," or so says the Random Character.

So they continue along, until they reach another clearing.

"So, which way should we go from here?" Yugi asked, looking at the various paths branching away from the area. Chaos looks around, but the three bishies have not yet chosen paths.

"Ummm… Damn it. I can't be confused if glomping isn't involved," she mutters.

"Is there anyone here you wouldn't glomp?" Seto asks snarkily. Chaos pauses in thought.

"Umm, them?" She points at the other two Yu-Gi-Oh boys present, who dance around in glee. Seto glares at them in absolute hatred.

"This justifies my hatred OF YOU BOTH!" he yells at them.

"You're still cute when you glare," Chaos sighs. Seto winces.

"Hahah, loser!" Ryou and Yugi chant.

A sword can be heard leaving its sheath. The group quickly turns to the far side of the clearing, where a warrior in full samurai armor can be seen lurking in the shadows. He steps into the light…

"Great Scott!" cried Ryou.

"Oro!" cried Kenshin.

"An orange tabby cat!" Seto asks, puzzled.

"You have a problem with that?" the feline samurai asks.

"What a stud!" (Note 2) Legolas whistles. The other bishies eye him before backing away in fear of being hit on next.

"It's Miaowara Tomokato!" (Note 1) Chaos cries, jumping around in glee. "We're saved!"

"From what?" Seto retorts. Chaos ignores him as she continues to jump and giggle.

Tomokato bows. "I'm looking for –" He is, however, interrupted by a small grey tabby in a blue gi and hakama, carrying a Micro-Uzi in each hand… er, paw.

"And Miaowara Shiro, at your service!" the excitable little kitten announces. Chaos keeps right on jumping and giggling in glee.

"Why aren't you glomping them?" Seto asks, backing slowly away from our ecstatic heroine.

"Because she knows that Uncle has no qualms about playing slice-and-dice with rabid fan girls," Shiro announces. Chaos adds nodding to her routine.

"If I may continue," Tomokato states, eyeing his nephew.

"Sorry Uncle," Shiro says, completely unrepentant.

"I am looking for a man who played a part in the murder of my lord Nobunaga, a man called Maximillian Pegasus –" Tomokato begins.

* * *

Somewhere,Pegasus is laughing maniacally."Hah! About time!"

Mokuba merely rolls his eyes again.

* * *

"IF I MAY CONTINUE!" Tomokato roars.

* * *

Pegasus gulps.

* * *

"Thank you," Tomokato pauses to glare threateningly one last time. "He is responsible for setting loose a horde of tasteless Toon monsters at the battle of Azuchi Castle, which resulted in the death of my Lord. He also left many foul rabbit drawings on the walls of the destroyed fortress, something called 'Funny Bunny'."

"Yup, that's pretty foul," Seto agrees.

"So, does this bring us up to 8 Fellowship members?" Legolas asks, recounting the group.

"I haven't said that we would join your company," Tomokato states coolly.

"You might as well." Chaos shrugs. "We'll probably find Pegasus on our way to rescue Mokuba, wherever he is." She whistles as if she doesn't know anything.

"Wait, we know why the Cat is here… what about the Kitten?" Seto points out.

"I'm the cute and loveable –" Shiro begins.

"And murderous, gun-crazy –" Chaos adds.

"Sidekick, here for comic relief, since Uncle Tomokato's such a stiff," Shiro finishes. Tomokato merely looks at his nephew, one eyebrow raised (A/N: Do cats, even anthro-morphic ones, have eyebrows? Hmmm….)

"Translation: I'm not going to dignify that comment with a response, which means it's probably true," Chaos whispers to Seto. Tomokato turns the eyebrow on her. She ignores it as she announces to the group, "Anyway, only one more Fellowhip member to find!"

Legolas looks bewildered. "Fellowhip?"

"Oops, missed the 's'. Sounds kinky though." She giggles to herself. The rest of party sweatdrops.

* * *

**Seto: **There sure was a lot of Note business this chapter.

**Chaos Val:** I know! But I have a lot of explaining to do.

**Kenshin:** Then you'd better get to it, that you should.

**Chaos Val:** Okay, I know it's unfair of me to put in Samurai Cat, when most of you (if not all) have never heard of him. He is the creation of Mark E. Rogers, and his tale (no pun intended) spans 6 books, all of which are awesome and highly recommended by me. The books spoof everything, and I MEAN EVERYTHING. From history and movies, to society and Public Broadcasting children's shows. They made fun of Hello Kitty in book 5, and I know that had the series not ended, he would've spoofed Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, etc. too.

**Ryou: **Is that all?

**Chaos Val: **Well, that covers Note 1 anyway.

**Shiro:** Yes, what is with that elf hitting on Uncle in Note 2?

**Chaos Val:** Oh, that. That's actually a reference to Book 1 of Samurai Cat where they spoof the Fellowship of the Ring. Legolas calls him a stud there too.

**Legolas: **(counting) Hey, there were only Eight Fellowhip members this chapter!

**Chaos Val:** heh heh… you noticed that…

**Seto:** Hey! (brandishes Plot Hammer) You said we were going to find out where my brother was this chapter!

**Chaos Val: **Well, the readers did… (runs for it)

**Seto: **Come back here! (chases her with hammer)

**Legolas:** (shakes his head as he watches the pair) Chaos would also like to inform you that "Chaos Land" is now up and running, with not only these stories, but also new tales and exclusives…

**Yami Bakura:** Such as "The Villain's Guide to Evil Stuff", written with myself and that Marik loser…

**Yami Marik:** (off screen) Hey!

**Tomokato:** And her soon-to-be up and running "Shrine of the Lesser Bishies", her worship place for lesser-known idols… such as myself.

**Chaos:** (running through) So go check it out!


	5. Dallas, We Have a Fellowhip!

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 05:** February 2, 2004  
**Updated:** June 17, 2006

**Chaos Val:** Whoohoo! I got a visit from the Plot Bunny! Just look at that pretty little Exposition Egg he left me! (cracks egg open) How cute, a little tiny Plot Hammer!

**Seto:** That better mean that we're going to find out who has my brother this chapter.

**Chaos Val:** Well, like I said, the readers did find out last chapter. It's not my fault you weren't paying attention.

**Legolas: **You also said we'd get another member!

**Chaos Val:** That too. But the Chapter was too long, and I didn't know who it was going to be. Now I do.

**Shiro:** (rolls eyes) Lets get on with it! She doesn't own any of the old stuff, or any of the new stuff either!

* * *

**Chapter Five: T-Minus Zero: Dallas, We Have a Fellowship!

* * *

**

"All right, now we need one more party member before we can go off in search of your brother," Legolas announces. Seto frowns.

"Why! Why can't we find him now so I can get away from you dweebs!" he asks sullenly.

Kenshin shrugs. "Oro. That's just the way these stories work."

"Mokey…" Seto sniffles quietly to himself.

"Uh-oh, he's going into Brother-Worship withdrawal again…" Chaos warns.

An innocent, childish voice is suddenly heard.

"My brother is the Greatest. He's a genius and my best friend in the whole world! Not to mention the greatest duelist –"

The Puzzle Flashes as an indignant Pharaoh emerges.

"Hey! I resent that!" Yami argues. Seto ignores him in his glee.

"Mokey! Where are you!" he calls out, running about and looking for Mokuba. "Mokey?"

Shiro pops out from behind a tree, snickering. "Hahahaha! You actually fell for that!" He changes back to the innocent voice. "Oh nii-sama!"

Seto's expression quickly morphs from saddened confusion to righteous anger. "You are so dead, kitty!" he screams, chasing Shiro around the clearing. The Ring flashes, revealing a laughing Tomb Robber.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Baka tomb robber. It's not that funny," Yami mutters, still angry over the 'greatest duelist' implications.

Bakura pauses for breath. "Yes it is! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…"

Kenshin leans over to Tomokato. "Aren't you going to help your nephew?"

Tomokato shrugs. "Normally I would, but I think this time he deserves it."

* * *

Approximately ten minutes later… 

"Orrrrroooo…" a wobbly Shiro moans, staggering over to his uncle. Tomokato looks at him.

"No more rurouni lessons for you," the Samurai Cat announces.

Kenshin blinks. "Oro?"

"Or for you either, for that matter," Tomokato snarls.

Legolas stomps his foot pettily. "Damn it! I want that last Fellowship member, now!" he wails. At that moment, a blond vixen-ish woman enters the clearing.

"You called?" Mai Valentine coos, winking at Legolas before tossing her hair back. Legolas' jaw falls open as he stares at her.

"Yay! It's Mai! My second favorite Yu-Gi-Oh character!" Chaos cheers. Seto grimaces.

"Talk about careful what you wish for," he says, rolling his eyes.

Chaos, meanwhile, trieswaving her hand in front of Legolas, getting zero response. "What have you done to him?"

"Happens all the time," Mai explains, winking again. By this time, Legolas has finally recovered the gift of speech.

"No fair!" he wails, "Your hair's prettier than mine!"

"Oro," Kenshin groans.

"Damn prissy elves," Seto mutters.

"She's the last Fellowship member?" Bakura asks. Chaos shrugs.

"Well, I thought about letting Yahiko join, but I thought he'd be a bad influence on Shiro."

Tomokato blinks. "A bad influence… on Shiro? There's someone worse than my nephew?"

"Hey!" Shiro objects half-heartedly.

"Well, not worse in a must-shed-blood-crazy kind of way, he's just got some annoying personality traits…" Chaos explains. "And besides, the two of them would work together to try to burn down the forest or something, and you have enough trouble watching Shiro without an added distraction. Besides, I needed someone to wield this…" she states, handing Mai another hammer with a pretty magenta bow.

"Hey! How come you're giving her the Hammer of Cynicism?" Seto complains.

"Its not. That's the Girl-Power Hammer. Can't you see the bow? Anyway, I can't wield two hammers at once, they might get jealous of each other."

"Hey, now that she's here, aren't we supposed to find out where Mokuba is?" Yami reminds the group. Seto perks up.

"That's right!" he exclaims. He grabs Chaos by the shoulders and starts shaking her. "Where's my little Brother!"

Neon lights flash, and Chaos steps up on a magically erected stage holding her cue cards.

"All right, Seto Kaiba! We are here to play Who Wants to Be the Villain!" She smiles with her best game-show-host grin. "So, lucky contestant, which door will you choose? Door Number 1…"

Mai in sequined costume gestures to a boring grey door with '1' on it.

"Door Number 2…"

Mai points to another boring grey door with '2' on it.

"Or Door Number 3!"

Mai points to large shiny red door surrounded with blinking colored lights and a bright neon '3'.

"Ooo, oo, pick Number 3!" Yugi chirps, bouncing about.

"Three! Three!" Kenshin adds cheerfully.

"Number 3, Kaiba-boy!" calls a voice from behind Door Number 3.

"I pick… Number 1," Seto announces completely monotone

Everyone anime falls except Legolas and Seto.

"Her hair…" Legolas moans, oblivious to his surroundings.

Mai and Chaos hold a whispered conference, then Mai goes and switches the numbers on the doors.

"Number 1 it is!" Chaos announces. The door previously-known-as-number-3 opens to reveal… (drum roll please….)

"It's me!" Pegasus announces, his arms spread wide.

"Gasp! Who would've guessed!" Chaos deadpans.

Seto rolls his eyes. "Haven't we been through this before?"

Pegasus has the grace to look sheepish. "Well, yeah, I am once again after your goods!"

Tomokato claps his paws over Shiro's ears, while Kenshin does the same for Yugi.

"You shouldn't talk like that in front of small children!" Kenshin scolds.

"Hey!" Yugi objects while Bakura begins to cackle again in the background.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"His technology! Technology!" Pegasus corrects frantically.

"Riiiight, Peggy. You know you just want to play with his joystick!" Chaos scoffs.

Everyone sweatdrops except Chaos, Bakura, and a still oblivious Legolas.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The Ring fortunately flashes.

"Oh dear, I think you broke my Yami," an abashed Ryou admits.

Pegasus sighs. "I'll be at my castle in Happy Fun Land." The Millennium Eye flashes, and he's gone.

Chaos screams. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not Happy Fun Land!" She falls in a dead faint.

* * *

**Mai: **What's her problem? 

**Chaos Val: **(still out cold)

**Kenshin: **Beats me, that it does.

**Legolas: **(to Mai) Advise me, oh Hair Goddess! (bows before her)

**Seto:** (kicks Legolas in passing) Who's the pansy now, Elfy! Wake her!

Shiro gleefully dumps a bucket of cold water on Chaos. Bakura can be heard cackling madly, but Ryou stays firmly in place.

**Yugi:** (leans over) What's she saying?

**Chaos Val: **(faintly) The horror… the horror…

**Tomokato: **Well, we can't very well continue the story until she recovers.

**Kenshin:** That we cannot. Until next time!


	6. A Funny Thing Happened

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 06:** February 11, 2004  
**Updated:** June 17, 2006

Seto is trying to pull Chaos Val back into the story.

**Chaos Val:** (off screen) NO WAY, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO THERE!

**Seto:** (tugging her arm) If you don't get out here and write the story, I can't find my brother!

**Chaos Val:** (still off screen) THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO HAPPY FUN LAND!

**Seto: **(gives up, wipes forehead) Drastic times, drastic measures. (yells off screen) I'll let you glomp me!

**Chaos Val: **(off screen) Nope. Not gonna work.

**Bakura: **That can't really be her.

**Yugi:** Poor Mokuba. He hasn't got a chance now.

**Legolas:** Let me take care of this. (walks off screen)

**Chaos Val: **(disembodied voice) lalalalalala… Not Looking! lalalalalalala…

**Legolas:** (sticks head on screen) Seto! Come glomp her, and I'll stun her.

**Seto:** (veinpops) All right. (goes off screen)

**Chaos Val:** (off screen) lalalalalalala… Seto! You do care! Ooooooooo…

Legolas and Seto drag her on screen.

**Chaos Val:** (drooling) Don't own…

* * *

**Chapter Six: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Happy Fun Land…

* * *

**

The Fellowhip (as the authoress likes to call it) is walking through the woods again, towards the borders of Chaos Land. Well, I should say that eight of the members are walking – one is currently fighting tooth and nail while being dragged quite bodily by Seto and Legolas…

"I DON'T WANT TO GO!" Chaos screams.

"Too bad… my brother's life and continued sanity is at stake…" Seto pants wearily.

"Poor Mokuba! Just imagine the kind of suffering he's going through…" Mai says sympathetically.

* * *

_In Happy Fun Land…_

"You have any twos?" Croquet asks, looking up from his cards to Mokuba.

Mokuba is still strapped to his chair, his arms free. "Go fish."

Pegasus points at Croquet and laughs triumphantly. "Haha! Loser!" He then turns to Mokuba, allowing Croquet to roll his eyes at his employer's back. "Want some fruit juice?"

Mokuba sweatdrops. "I don't think I'm old enough to drink _that_ fruit juice, even if it is the world's finest… got any jacks?"

"N–" Pegasus looks at his hand and swears. "Damn it! Here," he says, handing the card to Mokuba.

Mokuba looks at the readers. "Told you this would be a long imprisonment."

* * *

_Back to the Forest…_

Chaos is resigned. "All right, let's go rescue the poor kid…"

The group walks through the Forest for a long time, nearing the border between Chaos Land and Happy Fun Land.

"Can we take a break for a while? I'm getting tired," Yugi complains, giving everyone the cute tired bunny look. Kenshin nods kindly.

"Sure! It's been hard on us people with longer legs as well," he tells Yugi, patting him on the head. Yugi bristles.

"What!" he screeches.

Chaos sighs. "Kenshin, I know you mean well, but he's really not a midget. Or a dwarf, for that matter. He's just short," she explains.

Yugi grins. "Thank y–" Then the words sink in. "Hey?"

"Oro," Kenshin sighs, laughing quietly to himself.

The group sits down in a clearing and chills for a while. However, Shiro, being Shiro, steals Yugi's Puzzle and plays keep-a-way. This is somewhat fair, since Shiro is the same height as Yugi…

"Give it back!" Yugi pants, chasing Shiro around the clearing. The grey kitten sticks his tongue out as he attempts to climb a tree one-handed.

"Make me!"

The two crash through the underbrush, until…

"What! Hey guys, come look at this!" Yugi called from further ahead.

The group stands up and walks over to the next clearing.

Shiro stumbles about the new clearing, a bump on his head and decidedly Puzzle-free. "Orrrrrroooo…"

Tomokato shakes his head. "Great, now I'll have to take him to therapy."

"Oro?" Kenshin smiles obliviously.

"And you too, Mister!" the cat snarls, eyeing the rurouni in dislike.

Yugi, meanwhile, is drawing everyone's attention to his discovery. "Look! Look what I found! Doesn't that stump look familiar?" he says, pointing to the decapitated tree in question.

Ryou's eyes widen in dismay. "What? Oh no! Yugi, you baka!…"

The Millennium Puzzle flashes.

Yami looks frantic as well. "No hikari! You've triggered…"

The Millennium Ring switches out Ryou for a cackling Bakura...

"MWAHAHAH! I am a thief and a stealer of souls! And I –" Yami Bakura rants on as Yami shakes his head resignedly.

"…maniacal villain mode," the Pharaoh's spirit sighs.

"Now we shall take this duel to the Shadow Realm!" Bakura cries, finishing his long speech. He claps his hands and the scenery becomes all black and swirly, leaving only the people and, strangely enough, the stump.

"Hey Mister! There won't be any Shadow Duels in my story!" Chaos scolds the Tomb Robber. Bakura cackles maniacally.

"Too bad. I have the Millennium Hammer, so there's nothing you can do about it," he retorts.

"Millennium Hammer?" Yami asks, confused.

Bakura pulls out a gold-painted Hammer with badly drawn Sennen Eye on it. "See!"

Mai purses her lips in doubt. "Legolas! What do your elfin eyes see!" she commands.

Legolas squints at the Hammer. "Distributed by Ace Hardware… Made in Turkey," he reads off.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Bakura sulks.

Chaos rolls her eyes and bashes the Millennium Hammer with Sledgehammer of Cynicism. The Millennium Hammer shatters instantly. "Baka."

"No fair! I'm banishing you all!" Bakura wails, waving his hands at everyone. The others "Ooooooo…" as their souls disappear as little balls of light into the deck of cards…

"Whoohoo! I've got the body to myself again!" Yami dances about gleefully.

"Hey!" Yugi's muffled voice complains from the deck. Bakura grins wickedly.

"Mwahahaha! Let the duel begin!" he crows.

* * *

**Chaos Val:** I feel like Yugi when he gets summoned in that Duelist Kingdom episode, when he sees Yami above him…

**Yami: **How can you feel like Yugi? You should feel like me, seeing as how you're still up here.

**Bakura:** I agree… Damn it! No, I will never agree with him! Feel like Yugi!

They start to bicker.

**Chaos Val:** (rolls eyes) Geez, you're like an old married couple sometimes…

**Yami: **(sweatdrops)

**Bakura: **(sweatdrops)

**Chaos Val: **(rolls eyes) Anyway, it's only the three of us here now…

**Yami:** Why aren't you in the deck?

**Chaos Val:** This is me as the omnipotent authoress right now. I'll be in the deck next chapter. 'Til then!


	7. Kenshin v Tomokato: Round 1

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 07:** February 17, 2004  
**Updated:** June 23, 2006

**Yami:** Go fish.

**Bakura:** Damn it! (draws another card)

**Chaos Val: **Well, we're back!

**Bakura: **Can we FINALLY get to the Shadow Duel now!

**Chaos Val:** Yup. I didn't want anyone to miss any of the excitement, that's why we've been playing Go Fish.

**Yami:** I've been winning, of course.

**Bakura:** (Grumbling) Baka Pharaoh…

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Tomokato vs. Kenshin, Round One**

* * *

"Let's see, where was I?" Bakura ponders a moment. "Oh yes… MWAHAHAHA! Let the Duel Begin!"

Bakura and Yami sit down on opposite sides of the stump, pulling out their respective decks. They each pull out their first hand…

"I will play…" Bakura looks at hand and begins to snicker. "Kagemusha of the Blue Flame!" Bakura sets the card on the field, and Kenshin appears instead.

"Oro?" The confused rurouni suddenly notices he's shirtless. "ORO!"

"Damn! I can't attack him!" Yami complains. "I'll play," he looks briefly at his hand. "Chaos Valkyrie!"

Chaos appears on the field. "Well, what do you know?" she says, looking around at the giants Yami and Bakura. She suddenly realizes she has wings. "Cool Beans! I can fly!" She flips into the air, landing on butt moments later. "Or maybe not."

"Mwahahahaha!" Bakura cackles.

Chaos looks over and notices Kenshin. "Hel-lo Shirtless!" she whistles.

"Next I'll play Vampire Lord, in Attack Mode!" Bakura crows. It's now Seto's turn to appear dressed in frilly Vampire Lord suit.

Seto looks down, obviously appalled at his change of wardrobe."Ruffles! And these shoes! Who dressed me! I have better fashion sense than this!"

Yami, Bakura and Chaos all scoff. "Sha right!"

"You have horrid taste in clothes!" Yami replies.

"Like that awful Battle City outfit!" Bakura chimes in.

Seto pouts. "What do you mean! And what about Buckle boy over there!" He points to Yami and his own unique fashion sense.

Yami sniffs. "You can't go wrong with leather."

Kenshin nods his head. "He's got a point, that he does."

"Oh, who asked you –" Seto trails off as he gets a good look at Kenshin. "What happened to your shirt?"

"Anyway, Seto, attack Chaos Valkyrie!" Bakura commands. Chaos looks at him in disbelief.

"Say what!"

Seto, meanwhile, looks like a starry-eyed CEO at Christmas. "Really! Can I!" He waves his hands, and bats fly forward and attack Chaos.

"Get off me you little flying freaks!" Chaos waves her arms at the bats threateningly, until a Vortex appears and sucks her into the Graveyard.

Bakura and Seto throw their heads back and cackle madly.

* * *

Chaos lands on her butt in the Graveyard. "Man, this place needs a woman's touch." She wanders of amongst the tombstones.

* * *

"Damn, we lose more authors that way," Yami sighs in resignation. "Oh well. Next I'll play… Dark Magician!" Yugi appears like he did in the first Shadow Duel between Bakura and Yami. Seto looks over and immediately starts laughing when he sees Yugi dressed as the Dark Magician.

"Now you really do look like a dwarf!" Seto managed to spout out in between heaving breathes. Yugi begins to steam.

"What! I'm the Dark Magician, damn it. Dark Magic Attack!" He waves his staff at Seto before Yami can stop him… or at least, that's what Yami will claim later.

Seto abruptly stops laughing. "HAHAHA– What!" he cries as he disappears in a flash of purple light.

* * *

Seto falls on his ass in the Graveyard.

"Damn, that's the last time I make fun of midgets…" he moans, rubbing his head. He suddenly freezes as he hears an Ominous Crunching Sound behind him. He turns around very slowly…

…And sees Chaos standing there in all her fury. "So, banish **_me_** to the Graveyard, will you?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Bakura pulls a card from his deck and looks at it. "I'll play…" He looks up and around at the distant-but-distinguishable shriek. "Did you hear something?"

"Seto's getting his Just Desserts," Yami grins. Yugi snickers on the field.

"Ooo, good idea!" Bakura changes his card to Just Desserts, and Yami's Life Points go down some more. Technically, Yami's losing, but who's actually keeping score? "Annnnd… I'll set one card, face down."

"Oh, great Scott…" a Voice groans from underneath the card.

"Quiet Baka!" Bakura scolds the card. It sighs melodramatically.

Yami rolls his eyes. "All right, I'll set down Masaki the Legendary Swordsm- cat?" Tomokato appears as Masaki the Legendary Swordsman… with whiskers.

The samurai cat examines his change in wardrobe. "Hmm, I look like I always do."

"And now, using his special ability, I'll special summon Machine Gunner to the field!" Yami adds, and Shiro appears dressed somewhat like Cyber Commander, but hauling a Gatling gun.

"I LOVE THIS GAME! FIREARMS! ATTACK!" Shiro grins maniacally while his uncle shakes his head.

"Not yet!" Yami commands frantically. Shiro pouts.

"Verdamnt."

"I'll play another card face down," Bakura grins. "Now Kenshin, attack Tomokato!"

Kenshin shakes his head, looking up at Bakura. "But I like Mr. Miaowara, that I do. I do not wish to attack him, indeed I don't."

Tomokato stands, still posed impressively. "I thought I told you to stop that rurouni nonsense!"

Kenshin thinks for a moment, then settles for his typical clueless-cutesy rurouni head tilt. "Oro?"

Tomokatobristles. "If I hear one more 'oro' from you…"

"Oro?" Kenshin replies just as cluelessly. Tomokato's fur stands on end.

"Get over here and fight!" he cries, rushing at Kenshin. The two exchange blows for a few minutes until, bored, everyone else resumes Go Fish.

"Shiro, any fives?" Yami asks. Shiro shrugs.

"Go Fish."

Yami closes his eyes and with a look of deep concentration, draws a card and smiles triumphantly. "And I win again!" He declares, setting down his last pair.

Shiro, Bakura, Yugi and Face-Down all curse.

* * *

**Chaos Val: **Well, I'm here, just me, chillin'.

**Seto:** (dazed and tied up) What do you mean, just you…

**Reaper of Cards:** (tied up) Whoooooooommmmmm…

**Chaos Val: **Well, I'm here, just me, the only one still coherent.

**Seto: **Moki?...

**Chaos Val:** (rolls eyes) Apparently, I've uncovered my super-card power. Unfortunately, you'll just have to find out what it is next time!

**Reaper: **Whooooooommmmm…

**Seto: **What is he saying?

**Chaos Val:** I think he wants me to glomp him!

**Reaper: **Whoom? (panics)


	8. Kenshin v Tomokato: Round 2

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 08:** July 7, 2006

**Chaos Val: **Well, we're still here in the Graveyard…

**Reaper of Cards: **(still tied up and whimpering)

**Seto: **(also tied up, shaking head) I can't believe what you've done to him… reduced the Reaper of Cards to a quivering, hooded mess…

**Chaos Val:** (glowers) You wanna be next, bat-boy?

**Seto:** (gulps)

**Chaos Val:** I thought not. Anywho, let's see what all those other people I don't own are doing top-side, huh?

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Tomokato vs. Kenshin, Round Two: Would Somebody Win Already!**

* * *

"Gin," Yami says smugly, laying down his hand. The other Yami and Card-Wannabes curse.

"Again!" Bakura spits out between clenched teeth.

Yugi, still dressed as the Dark Magician, looks to the audience. "We got tired of Go Fish, so we're on Gin Rummy now."

"Face-Down Card" looks over at the stump. "Great Scott, they're still at it!"

The group turns to watch Tomokato and Kenshin, still fighting, neither one showing any sign of defeat.

Yami sighs and looks at Bakura. "How 'bout we just call it a draw, huh?"

Bakura nods. "Suits me." He turns to the two miniature duelists. "Hey, bakas! Knock it off so we can continue the duel!"

Kenshin pauses, his sword drooping in his hand. "Oro?"

Tomokato bashes Kenshin on the head while he's distracted. "Ha! I win! Of course."

"Ororororororororororo…" Kenshin moans, sporting a massive nasty bump.

"All right, back to the duel!" Yami declares, and the two full-size duelists wait patiently as their respective cards resume their positions. The mini-Yugi, Shiro, and Face-Down all go back to their places on the stump, allowing Yami to draw another card.

Looks at hand. "Hmm, I'll play Harpy Lady, in attack mode!" Mai appears as the Harpy Lady, complete with wings and scanty clothing.

"Hmm, I seem to remember wearing more clothes… but damn, I look good!" she preens.

Bakura draws and snickers, eyeing the card. "I play Amazon Archer, in attack mode!" Legolas appears in skimpy little outfit as well.

"AHHHHH! I'm not a GIRL!" he screams, trying mightily to cover himself. Shiro laughs openly while some of the others try to hide it. Bakura cackles.

"Amazon Archer, attack Harpy Lady!" he commands.

Legolas, on the other hand, is completely unresponsive, twitching occasionally as he mutters, "Not… a girl…"

Bakura rolls his eyes. "I'll pass."

Yami draws and grins. "Now I'll use Monster Reborn to bring back Chaos Valkyrie!" He places the card on the field, and Chaos instantly reappears, looking about in disappointed confusion.

"Oh darn. And I was about to give the Reaper a makeover too…" she complains.

Bakura's eye twitches. "Not her again!" Suddenly an imaginary light bulb appears over his head. "I'll use Grave Robber to steal your Monster Reborn and bring back _my_ Vampire Lord!" Bakura declares, smirking.

Seto reappears, still tied up. "Oh Thank all that is Holy I am away from…" he abruptly trails off when he sees Chaos wave at him from the far side of the field. "AAK! She's here!"

Kenshin slices through the ropes with one quick slash. "What happened to you?"

Seto twitches. "Don't ask…" He notices Legolas' costume and smirks. "You're a girl!" he shrieks, laughing. "HAHAHAHAHA!"

"I am _Not_ a _Girl_, even if my hair is pretty…" Legolas pouts.

Chaos notices Legolas for the first time. "Oooo, Legolas in skimpy clothes…" she drools. "Still looking good, for a transvestite." Legolas gives her the Sultry-Glare-of-Death, which merely causes her to drool more.

"Enough children, back to the Duel," Yami commands indulgently. "I'll play the card Infinite Ammo, and equip it to my Machine Gunner…"

Shiro gets rather starry-eyed himself. "INFINITE…? Ammo…?" He falls over, grinning and drooling madly.

"Limitless Ammo?" Tomokato shakes his head. "I think the happiness might kill him."

"Must shoot now…" Shiro mutters to himself. His euphoric state, however, has other plans.

"My turn!" Bakura crows, flipping over his Face Down card to reveal Ryou, who lets out an "Eep!" of dismay. "Now I'll use Change of Heart…"

"Ooo!" Chaos interrupts, waving at Bakura. "Pick me! Pick Me!"

"…on…" Bakura pauses, staring at her incredulously. "What? Why!"

"All my Bishies are over there!" She falls over again, moaning, "Glomping… withdrawal…"

Legolas, Kenshin, and Seto all looks to Bakura frantically. "PLEASE Bakura, SOMEBODY ELSE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEBODY ELSE!" they scream.

"Ryou, go switch with…" Bakura once again tries to command, ignoring Chaos' shouts of "ME! MEEEEEE!"

Meanwhile, Yugi and Ryou have a whispered conference. Yugi then walks over to Yami and tugs on the Puzzle to get his attention. He whispers in Yami's ear.

"Oh yeah, like last time!" Yami smirks and sends a mental command to the Puzzle. It flashes once, and suddenly a smiling Ryou is looming over the field.

Bakura blinks and looks around at the stump and his new costume. "Damn it, not the old switch-er-roo again! Damn it Ahou!" He looks up and shakes his fist at Ryou, who merely shrugs.

"Now, Chaos Valkyrie! Use your special attack… Glomping Fury!" Yami states. Chaos is ecstatic.

"WHOOHOO!" she cries, flying straight for the three Bishies.

"NOOOO!" the screech, huddling together for protection.

"I meant Bakura! Glomp Bakura!" Yami corrects quickly. Chaos pauses midair.

"What? Him? I don't want to glomp him…" she argues. Mai sighs.

"Just do it so we can get out of here," she tells her winged friend. Chaos pouts, grumbling to herself.

"Whatever." She swoops down and glomps Bakura, who tries unsuccessfully to beat her back.

"NOOOO!" The Vortex scoops him up and takes him to the Graveyard. As soon as he's gone, everyone pops back into their own bodies, still standing in the clearing in the Shadow Realm.

"HAHA! I've won again!" Yami cheers. The other Fellowhip members eye him distastefully.

"Whatever. _We_ did all the work. You just sat up there twiddling your thumbs, Puzzle-boy," Chaos retorts, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah," Mai agrees. Tomokato tries to comfort Shiro, who is crying over the loss of the infinite ammo, whilst Seto and the other Bishies sigh dramatically.

"I'm just glad to be in my own clothes again…" Seto says.

"Me too!" Legolas and Kenshin agree emphatically.

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

"Yes, I'm still alive…" Mokuba tells the audience, deadpan.

"MWAHAHA! And still my prisoner!" Pegasus smirks. Mokuba rolls his eyes.

"I'm never going to be rescued…"

* * *

**Yami: **HAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Chaos Val:** Is he ever going to shut up?

**Ryou: **Eventually. He's always like that whenever he defeats my yami…

**Seto: **That's nice… not. C'mon, let's go rescue my brother! Hello, that's the reason I'm stuck with you losers in the first place!

**Mai:** (to Legolas) Now, periodically you need to check for split ends, and remember, a little trimming never hurts…

**Legolas:** (smiles happily) Yes Hair Mistress…

**Tomokato:** Losers.


	9. Onwards to Happy Fun Land!

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 09:**July 7, 2006

**Yami:** HAHAHAHAHA…

**Chaos Val:** Headache…

**Mai:** (to Legolas) Then use a little conditioner…

**Legolas: **Pretty hair…

**Seto: **LET'S GET ON WITH IT! CHAOS OWNS NOTHING! GET IT!

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Onwards to Happy Fun Land!**

* * *

"All right, pack it up, people! We're leaving," Seto declares ominously, brooking no argument from the other Fellowhip members. "You," he points to Yami, "last gloat, right now!"

Yami smirks. "Haha! Now Bakura has been banished to the Shadow Realm, once and for all!" He performs a happy little chicken dance for good measure. (Note 1)

"Umm…" Ryou trails off hesitantly, before the Ring flashes brightly.

"I'm back!" Yami Bakura declares smugly. Yami yelps and anime-falls.

"What!" Yami asks weakly from the ground. Mai shakes her head condescendingly.

"Silly pharaoh, when has he ever been truly banished to the Shadow Realm for good?" she tells him.

"Oro…" a confused Yami moans, going swirly-eyed in the process.

"Damn it, is there no one unaffected by that rurouni's curse!" Tomokato sighs.

"All right, I've gotta know, how _do_ you always escape the Shadow Realm?" Chaos asks Bakura. He reluctantly mimics his hikari.

"Ummm…" The Ring flashes as Ryou pops back in.

"I'll show you." He walks over to the left of the stump, and pulls down a black curtain that blends in with the Shadow Realm backdrop, revealing a red velvet door… Legolas squints at the minute writing on the handle…

"'For Bakura's use only…'" the elf reads aloud. Shiro looks floored.

"He's got his own private entrance to the Shadow Realm? How did he get that?" the kitten asks. Ryou shrugs.

"Kickbacks."

Saito Hajime wanders onscreen. "It's all about the bling bling," he states before wandering off again.

Kenshin is confused. "Oro? That was random, that it was."

Seto dismisses the whole conversation. "Whatever… Pack it up, we're leaving, people!"

The Puzzle flashes as Yugi reappears. "Great, now my Yami is broken," he sighs as the group hikes off into the woods.

The merry little band of misfits treks along through the forest. As they near the border, the animals become cuter and more carefree, the flowers brighter, the sky bluer…

And Chaos is twitching in revulsion. "Happiness… consuming…"

Mai picks a flower and sniffs it before putting it in Legolas' hair. "It's not that bad."

Ryou looks around puzzled. "How is this any different from Chaos Land?" he asks the group at large.

"Its not. But Chaos Land has a rabid herd of Little Pink Cats to take care of the Happiness factor…" Shiro replies.

The party continues walking until they reach the border… which is blocked off by an extremely tall, purple brick wall.

"Happiness… no…" Chaos twitches uncontrollably. Meanwhile, Kenshin is smiling his typically large rurouni grin.

"Well, here's the border!" the red-head announces. Seto looks at the wall and quirks an eyebrow.

"What's that wall?" he asks.

"Chaos put it up to keep the Overwhelming Happiness of Happy Fun Land out of her country…" Tomokato trails off as an ever-oblivious Chaos pulls out the Hammer of Cynicism.

"Must… use…" she groans before Yami Bakura takes over for his hikari and swipes the hammer from her.

"Haha, take that!" he cries as he hits her with it. Chaos immediately perks up and grins.

"Do it again, that felt good!" she replies cheerfully. Bakura face faults.

"What?"

"Oh, here." She takes Hammer from him and hits herself but good. The others look stunned.

"What's that all about?" Seto asks, sweatdropping.

Chaos explains. "The Hammer of Cynicism only works on happy people – on Cynical people, it's like a power boost. Sort of like giving Yugi a sugar fix… speaking of which…" She rummages through her pockets a moment before handing Yugi a bag of Pixie Sticks. "Eat those and get to work knocking that wall down!" she commands him. Yugi squeals excitedly and start snarfing the sugary treat.

"Too bad we don't have Joshua and his trumpet here," Shiro says. Chaos shakes her head.

"This is Happy Fun Land, not Jericho! Besides, we've got him!" She points to Yugi. Having consumed the Pixie sticks, he starts bouncing around, knocking down the wall with the sheer force of his sugar-high body.

"Boing-y boing-y boing-y…" the small duelist chirps to himself.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Seto asks, watching his rival with a smirk.

"You don't have enough happy people around you. Most of my friends are like that…" Chaos watches Yugi a moment. "Hmm, maybe that explains all those nasty headaches I get when I'm around them."

"Well, why don't you bop them with the Hammer?" Seto asks.

"I try, but there are so many people, only one Hammer. Besides, it's hard to hit people on sugar rushes…" She motions to the still bouncing Yugi.

Seto stares at his arch-nemesis in disgusted awe. "I see what you mean."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Heart of Happy Fun Land, an exultant Pegasus is cackling.

"Mwhahaha! Soon Seto will be…" he cuts off as Mokuba coughs pointedly. "Er… Soon Seto's _technology_ will be mine!" he corrects himself, looking to Mokuba, who nods.

"That's better…" the hostage tells him wearily.

Croquet runs in at that moment. "Sir! Seto is at the border of Happy Fun Land! They're using a sugar high midget to break the wall down!"

Pegasus chokes on his maniacal laughter. "WHAT!"

"It's about damn time!" Mokuba yells.

* * *

**Chaos Val:** Well, we're almost through the wall, but we'll have to continue next time…

**Saito:** (walks on screen) That's all I get! A measly walk on with a lame line from the outtakes?

**Chaos Val: **(shrugs) I really wanted you to say that in here somewhere…

**Saito: **(walks off, still pissed)

**Note 1:** And for those who'd like to see Yami perform the 'Happy Little Chicken Dance', go to my website www DOT chaos-land DOT com, look under Fan Art, and check it out!

**Seto:** We're coming Mokey!


	10. The Plot Twist Strikes Back

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 10:** March 19, 2004  
**Updated:** August 1, 2006

**Chaos Val:** Well, Yugi's just broken through the wall, so the adventure continues!

**Yugi:** (groaning) My head…

**Bakura:** Heh, stupid pharaoh…

**Plot Twist: **Hey guys! What's happenin'?

**Chaos Val: **(sweatdrops) Who are you?

**Plot Twist: **Exposition's brother. He sent me to shake things up a bit!

**Seto:** Noooo!

* * *

**Chapter Ten: The Plot Twist Strikes Back…**

* * *

"Sir! Sir!" Kimo yells, running into Pegasus' dining room, where the villain in question is still watching the ever-present Villain's Ultimate Monitoring system. After all, Funny Bunny is on.

"What?" Pegasus asks boredly, taking a sip from his glass.

Kimo gulps. "Erm, the prisoner has escaped!"

Pegasus spews the world's finest juice everywhere. "WHAT!"

"Apparently, he tied together his sheets and made a rope out the window…" Kimo clarified further.

Pegasus is appalled. "He was in the dungeon! There are no windows!" he exclaims.

* * *

_Elsewhere…_

"Hah! Where there's a will, there's a way!" Mokuba replies before wandering off into the forest.

* * *

"Well, that was unusual." Chaos shakes her head at the previous scenes. The group is climbing over the remains of the wall and slowly entering the evil land that is Happy Fun Land.

Most of the party makes it over the wall with ease… a still groggy Yugi, however, stumbles awkwardly over the rubble, causing Kenshin to give him a hand. Ryou, if you remember Duelist Kingdom, naturally trips as he climbs over the remains of the wall. "Ouch… Oooooo!"

"Har, I strike again!" Plot Twist cheers as Ryou falls into a hole at the base of the wall. In an attempt to save himself, he grabs hold of Mai, who in turn, grabs Tomokato. The three plummet into the depths below…

"RYOU!" Yugi scrambles over to the hole. "Can you hear me!"

"UNCLE TOMOKATO!" Shiro screams.

"Oh no! We lost part of the Fellowhip!" Chaos cries, horrified.

"No losses there," Seto declares, his arms crossed over his chest.

Legolas sniffles. "Hair goddess… I'LL SAVE YOU!" The elf frantically rushes towards the hole, while Kenshin tries to hold him back.

"And again!" Plot Twist cries as the struggling pair somehow knock themselves and Seto into the strong current of the river/rapids that conveniently happen to be flowing nearby. The three quickly disappear.

Now Chaos is truly horrified. "NOOOO! My Bishies!" she screams, glaring at Plot Twist. He sweatdrops nervously, edging towards the ruins of the wall.

"Heh, heh, I'll just be going now…" he foolishly tries to make a run for it.

"I'll get you for this!" Chaos roars as she runs after him with Hammer of Cynicism.

* * *

_Somewhere very far underground…_

"Oh dear, I'm sorry, I seem to have gotten us into a rather sticky mess," Ryou apologies profusely. Mai glares at him from her spot on the ground.

"This dirt had better come out of my clothes, or you really will be sorry," she snarls, brandishing the Girl Power Hammer. Ryou gulps.

Tomokato sighs. "Come along, we'd better find my nephew before he kills everything in sight…"

* * *

_Back in the Forest…_

"Oro…" Plot Twist moans, twitching on the ground.

"Serves you right, you Bishie stealing bastard…" Chaos growls.

"Come on, let's go look for the others," Shiro motions towards the woods. Yugi nods fervently.

"They may need our help!" he cries. Chaos rolls her eyes.

"You just can't live with yourself if you don't help everyone, can you?" she asks him condescendingly. The Puzzle flashes quickly.

"You got a problem with that?" Yami snarls, giving her the menacing pharaoh look.

Chaos smiles anime-frantically. "Eep! No, no problems here…"

* * *

_Very far down stream…_

"Oro?" Kenshin asks, spitting out water. "Where are we?"

"We've lost the others, and we're deep in the enemy territory. Hmmm…" Legolas trails off, pondering as he squeezes the water out of his hair.

"Who cares? Let's just go find my brother!" Seto commands, shaking the water out of his coat. Kenshin shakes his head at the young CEO.

"That's not very nice, that it is not," he scolds.

"Well, perhaps we'll find them both…" Legolas shrugs. Seto snorts.

"I just hope that we'll find Mokuba, and not find Chaos," he tells them. Kenshin tilts his head in confusion.

"Oro, why not?" Kenshin asks.

Seto gives him the 'shouldn't-it-be-obvious' look. "What happens every time she gets separated from the three of us?"

Legolas' eyes widen in dismay. "Glomping withdrawal…"

"Exactly. Do you really want to face that?" Seto asks them.

* * *

_Speaking of which…_

"Glomping… withdrawal…" Chaos moans. She looks around frantically, first eyeing Shiro…

"I'VE GOT GUNS! GUNS!" Shiro cries as he frantically primes his Micro-Uzi.

Chaos debates, then looks over at Yami and smiles. Yami promptly begins to panic.

"Eep! You are _so_ on your own this time, hikari," he declares. The Puzzle flashes, revealing a very worried Yugi.

"Eep!" he squeaks, seeing Chaos' glomping-crazed eyes, and runs for it.

* * *

"Great! Can things possibly get any worse!" Pegasus groans. He does a routine check of the Monitor of Evil. He watches with surprise before a delighted smirk lights up his face. "They all got separated! Fantastic! Kimo!" he calls his servant.

"Yes, sir?"

"Send out the special Enforcers we hired to deal with this menace!" Pegasus commands. Kimo's eyes widen and he gulps nervously.

"Yes, sir."

* * *

**Chaos Val:** Will we ever find the others!

**Yugi: **(still a little woozy from being glomped) I hope so…

**Shiro:** (still wary) Tune in next time to see what happens…

**Chaos Val:** Same Posting Day, Same Posting Site!

**Note: **(wanders in) Hmm… oh yeah. Chaos Val does not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything else, really.


	11. Bus Stops and Squirrels

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 11:** April 9, 2004  
**Updated:** August 1, 2006

**Chaos Val: **(dazed) Oro…

**Shiro:** (walks in) What's with her?

**Yugi:** (slightly dazed) Glomping withdrawal. She misses her Bishies.

**Shiro:** (rolls eyes) Well, hit her with the Hammer, why don't ya? We need to get on with the story.

**Yugi:** I couldn't…

Puzzle Flash.

**Yami:** Okay! (takes Hammer of Cynicism and smacks her with it)

**Chaos Val:** (rubbing head) I guess I should be thankful for that…

**Shiro:** Anyway, she doesn't own Jack or Shit –

**Chaos Val:** And Jack just left town.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Bus Stops and Squirrels**

* * *

(This Chapter follows the Wild and Crazy adventures of Shiro, Yugi/Yami, and Chaos).

Well, our three adventurers have been wandering around the woods since we last saw them, trying to find their other companions.

"Hey, haven't we seen that stump before?" Shiro asks, pointing towards a familiar clearing. Yugi sweatdrops.

"Good thing Ryou isn't here…" the Duel King mutters.

Chaos sniffles. "I miss the guys…" Shiro and Yugi roll their eyes, having heard this many times in the last few hours.

The group walks into a clearing alongside a well packed dirt road. A diamond-shape sign next to a white wooden bench announces that this is Stop #52. A bus suddenly pulls up.

"Ohh, let's see if we can hitch a ride!" Chaos exclaims and runs up to the bus doors. The doors open, and a herd of squirrels hop off.

"Excuse me, Driver, does this bus go to Pegasus's Castle?" she asks once the squirrels have finished disembarking. The Driver scoffs.

"What! No way no how. This bus runs one way only!" He throws her a bus chart before slamming the doors in her face and driving off in a huge cloud of dust. Everyone (including the squirrels) cough violently.

"Oh… nuts." Chaos curses, glancing over the chart. The squirrels squeal in happiness.

"Squeak!" (Trans.: NUTS!) they cry, dancing around merrily.

"Squee-squeak," (Trans.: Not literally.) Chaos replies back.

Yugi leans over and whispers to Shiro. "I didn't know she could speak squirrel…"

"You know, those of small minds…" Shiro whispers back.

Meanwhile, the squirrels ain't happy. "SQUEE!" (Trans.: BITCH!) they yell angrily, pelting the threesome with acorns.

"Hey! I thought this was HAPPY FUN Land!" Yugi yelps as he gets hit in the eye.

"Ouch!" Shiro takes an acorn to the nose. "Let me ice 'em!" he growls, pulling out his guns.

Chaos looks at the squirrels closely while dodging nuts. She addresses them quickly. "Squee-sque-squeak sque-squeee squeak." (Trans.: You got off the bus at the wrong stop. Chaos Land is three more stops down the line.)

The squirrels stop throwing nuts in dismay. "SQUEE!" (Trans.: WHAT!) The group turns to stare angrily at a sheepish-looking squirrel holding his own miniature bus chart.

"Baaahh?" the sheepish squirrel apologizes.

"Little joke… 'bout that big," Chaos groans, shaking her head.

The squirrels continue to glare and grumble amongst themselves, "Squee-squee-squeak." (Trans.: Stupid f-ing moron…)

Chaos looks up from her chart. "Squeak." (Trans.: The next bus should be along in another half an hour. Good luck in Chaos Land, we really need creatures as… interesting as you there.)

The squirrels reply, "Squee-sque-squeak sque-squeak sque-squeak squeak squeak." (Trans.: Thanks, toots.)

Chaos nods and waves goodbye, gesturing to her companions. "Come on guys! This road leads to Pegasus's castle – we'll just have to walk it." The three follow the road into the deep but not scary (this _is_ Happy Fun Land) woods, until suddenly there is a huge rustling from the bushes nearby.

Chaos grabs Yugi's arm in fear. "Eep! Lions!"

Yugi grabs her arm in return. "Eep! Tigers!"

Shiro primes his guns. "Whoohoo, Bears! Let me shoot it!"

Meanwhile, a small boy (guess who) emerges.

"Nope, it's just me!" Mokuba announces. Chaos and Yugi looked relieved. Shiro sighs in disappointment.

"Mokuba! We found you!" Yugi cheers, rushing over to the other boy.

"Well, actually, I found you…" Mokuba corrects. Chaos looks at him skeptically.

"Are you sure that's him?" she asks Yugi. "Give me a magnifying glass!" Shiro pulls out magnifying glass and hands it to her.

"Why do you have one of those?" Yugi asks in confusion. Shiro shrugs.

"To fry ants. I'm a little sadistic psycho-kitty."

Chaos holds the glass up to Mokuba's eye. "Hmmm… dilated pupils, sharpened breathing, clenching of hands… seems to be suffering from an acute case of brother-worshiping withdrawal. Yup, it's him," she announces with a nod of her head. Mokuba rolls his eyes.

"Where is Seto, anyway?" he wonders, looking around the clearing. The others face fault.

"Cough-cough-Wekindalosthim-Cough…" they reply. Mokuba veinpops.

"WHAT!"

* * *

**Mokuba:** Well, that's it. I'm going to kill them.

**Chaos Val: **Heh heh. (sweatdrops) We didn't mean to lose him…

**Yugi:** (sweatdrops) Yeah, Mokuba, we'll find him soon…

**Shiro: **(oiling Uzi) Whatever. Kill Plot Twist, he's the one who pushed them in that river!

**Mokuba:** What!

**Plot Twist:** (whistling) I think I'll just be going now…

**Mokuba:** Come back here! (Grabs Hammer of Cynicism and starts chasing P.T.)

**Chaos:** (multiple sweatdrops) Now I see the family resemblance. Anywho, stay tuned, we'll see how the others are faring shortly…


	12. Mai and the Seven Dwarves

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 12:** April 9, 2004  
**Updated:** August 1, 2006

**Plot Twist: **Ooooo…

**Mai: **What's he doing down here?

**Ryou:** Oh my, it looks like he's been through a rough patch.

**Tomokato:** Looks like he was beaten with a Hammer, then shoved down the tiniest hole that person could find.

**Ryou:** Oh well. The Authoress still doesn't own anything.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Mai and the Seven Dwarves**

* * *

(This chapter follows the adventures of Mai, Ryou and Tomokato, who are lost underground.)

Our next group of adventurers is still lost in the quite impressive underground cave complex beneath not-so-Happy Fun Land. They have been wandering aimlessly from cavern to cavern, trying to find a way out…

Ryou enters the latest cavern first, holding a glowing Millennium Ring up like a torch. "Well, this sure doesn't look like the way out."

"Lift the Ring up higher," Tomokato commands.

Ryou complies, and the light reveals thousands of stone pillars rising to a barely discernable ceiling. Mai whistles.

"Impressive. Who built this, I wonder?" she asks aloud. Tomokato pauses a moment, then answers.

"Dwarves, probably."

Ryou looks at him curiously. "Why would you say that?"

"Because of that." Tomokato points to a doorway at the far end of the chamber, where faint singing can be heard.

"Is it Orcs?" Mai squeals, latching on to Ryou in fear.

"Gah!" Ryou chokes out in surprise. Tomokato shakes his head.

"No, they're singing. Definitely dwarves."

The three make their way down the tunnel-of-many-steps, emerging into a heavily mined area. The three travelers can now hear the lyrics of the previously incoherent song…

"Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go…"

"It's getting louder…" Ryou looks around worriedly.

"And also more annoying," Mai states flatly.

The group wanders down to the floor of the mine, where Seven Midgets are studiously working. The miners turn towards our heroes in surprise as they approach.

"Hi-ho!" they greet cheerfully. Mai veinpops.

"WHAT! Grr…" she growls.

"Well, that was extremely rude," Ryou agrees.

Tomokato ignores them both. "Pardon us, honorable Dwarves, but can you direct us back to the surface world?"

The Midge– er, Dwarves don't hear him, as they are staring at Mai tearfully. "Snow White!" they call out happily as they all as one group run to glomp Mai.

"GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE FREAKS!" Mai screeches, backing away hastily. The Dwarves look stricken.

"Hmph. Doesn't sound like Snow White," Grumpy grouses.

"Doesn't look much like her either," Doc agrees.

Bashful blushes. "But she's still beautiful like our Snow White!"

Dopey "Meeps!" cheerfully.

Tomokato rolls his eyes. "ANYWAY, can you give us directions back to the surface?" he asks more forcefully. The Dwarves once again ignore him.

"I know! Let's see how the animals like her!" Happy whistles shrilly. The Happy Little Forest Creatures appear out of nowhere. (Hey, I just write it – don't ask me how they got down into the mine, I don't know either!) The HLFCs squeal and converge on Mai.

Mai promptly pushes them away. "I'm sorry, I just don't do the friend-of-the-cute-forest-animals thing," she tells them.

The Happy Little Forest Creatures squeak sadly and start to wander off – until they notice Ryou. "Squeal!"

"What!" Ryou yelps as the HLFCs converge on him.

"There's our girl! Snow White!" Doc chuckles.

Ryou tries to break free from the fuzzy glomping. "I'm not a girl!" he screeches before the Ring flashes.

"Actually, you are, ahou," his Yami tells him. "Now, who wants meat for dinner!" Bakura grins, pulling out a flame thrower.

The Happy Little Forest Creatures turn frantic. "Squeeee!" They run for it, disappearing back into the mine shafts from where they came.

"Hmph. Or maybe she isn't," Grumpy grouses again.

"Surface world? Hello!" Tomokato growls, waving at the Dwarves. He finally catches their attention, and they share confused looks.

"Surface world, what's that?" Doc asks, scratching his head.

"Meep!" Dopey replies dazedly.

"We've never been there. What do you mine there? Zzzzz…" Sleepy drifts off.

Another dwarf, who had worked through the whole 'Snow White' episode, wipes his hands on his breeches and walks over. "Don't bother with these clowns. They've been down here so long they can't tell the difference between rocks and diamonds." He points to one of the carts, which sure enough, is just filled with rocks. "M'name's Peppy, maybe I can help you."

The Millennium Ring flashes again.

"I don't remember there being any Dwarves named Peppy," Ryou asks, tilting his head.

"There aren't. The Authoress could only remember six of their names, so I got stuck with Peppy. Anyway, there's no exit around here – believe me, I'd've taken it by now. Might try that Bridge over that's way, though." Peppy points over the lava pits towards an ominous Bridge in distance.

"Thank you, honorable dwarf person," Tomokato states, bowing to Peppy. "Let's go." He motions to Ryou and Mai to follow him.

* * *

**Ryou:** Well, that was rather random.

**Mai: **And pointless.

**Tomokato:** We need to find the Authoress again – maybe the plot will improve.

**All Three:** (pause, then shake heads) Nah.


	13. Attack of the Funny Bunnies

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 13:** April 16, 2004  
**Updated:** July 16, 2009

**Seto:** Damn it! Still no sign of Mokuba!

**Legolas:** Look on the bright side – no sign of Chaos, either.

**Kenshin:** That is fortunate, that it is!

**Seto:** Sigh… we don't own anything, and neither does the authoress.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Attack of the Funny Bunnies**

* * *

(This chapter follows the adventures of Seto, Legolas, and Kenshin – otherwise known as the Three Bishies – who were swept down river by the Evil Plot Twist…)

"We've been wandering around these woods forever! Where's my brother?!" Seto complains, pushing his way through a clump of bushes at the threesome wander out of the woods and onto a cliff overlooking some wide, flat plains.

Kenshin pats his arm comfortingly. "We will find him, that we will."

Seto glares as he brushes the rurouni off. "Get off me, freak."

"Oro?!" Kenshin complains, confused.

Meanwhile, Legolas stares into distance beyond the clearing, striking a dramatic pose on the cliff's edge. "A red sun is setting…"

Seto looks. "Yeah, so?"

"Something evil comes this way," Legolas states forebodingly.

"Oro! Dust cloud!" Kenshin points out. The group watches carefully to see what could be raising the approaching cloud of dust, but can see nothing through the haze.

"They run as if the very whips of their Master were behind them…" Legolas states calmly. Seto stares at him, annoyed.

"I think I liked you better when Mai was around!"

Legolas sniffles at the reminder. "Hair Goddess…" he wails softly. Seto and Kenshin sweatdrop.

Anyway, while all this conversation was going on, the dust cloud has come ominously closer…

"Do you hear something?" Kenshin asks, tilting his ear towards the cloud. Legolas ignores him, sniffling.

"Hey you, Prissy," Seto waves his hand in front of Legolas' face to get his attention. "Aim those big pointy ears of yours over that way and find out what they're saying!" he commands.

"What?!" Legolas snarls at Seto.

"Just do it!" Seto grouses. However, the cloud was now close enough that everyone could hear…

"Hey Kaiba! Hey Kaiba, HEEEYY KAIBA!" the unseen voices chanted in deep, goofy voices. Seto sweatdrops in recognition.

"Aw shit, it can't be…"

Ah, but indeed it is. A Funny Bunny bursts out of the cloud, followed by dozens of others, carrying various forms of weaponry.

The first Funny Bunny brandishes a whip, snarls, "HHHEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY KAIBA!!" and sticks out his tongue.

The second primes a shotgun, calls, "HEY KAIBA!" then curls into an impossible position, making faces.

A third Funny Bunny licks his knife blade, rolls his head around and growls "HEEEYYYYY KAIBA!" The other Funny Bunnies make similar maneuvers before moving as one unit towards Seto.

"ACK!! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!!" Seto screeches, hiding behind Kenshin.

"They're not so bad, that they aren't…" Kenshin says cheerfully.

"Shut up and use your sword! Hack, slash!" Seto tells him. Kenshin shakes his head.

"This unworthy one made a vow to never kill again…" he tells Seto, who promptly turns tail and runs behind Legolas. The Bunnies pass around Kenshin, ignoring the clueless rurouni completely.

"ARGH!" Seto moans from behind Legolas, who chuckles gleefully.

"Who's Prissy now, Pansy?" Legolas asks, looking over his shoulder.

"You've got arrows, daggers! Attack!" Seto tells him, pointing at the approaching Bunnies.

Legolas eyes the advancing Funny Bunnies in contempt. "I don't think I can – I'm just a Prissy Elf, remember?" he tells Seto with a smirk.

"I take it back!! Attack!!" Seto cowers as the Bunnies move closer still.

"No," Legolas pauses before adding, "Pansy." Seto yelps and runs back toward the forest as the Bunnies reach the towering elf. However, the Funny Bunnies make a grave, tactical error in attempting to get around Legolas.

The third Funny Bunny makes a sideways slashing motion with knife as he steps past the grinning elf. "HEEEYYY KAIBA!" Legolas' eyes widen as he feels the knife pass close to his face, reaching up as he watches several strands of his golden hair drift towards the ground. The elf stares in shock for a moment.

"My hair! He slashed my hair! Son of a bitch…" He pulls out his bow as the Funny Bunnies walk past him.

"AACCCCKKK!!" Seto yelps as he gets stuck in the bushes.

"HHHHEEEEYYYYY KAIBA!" the Funny Bunnies chuckle evilly.

"HHHHEEEEYYY BUNNIES!" Legolas calls angrily.

The Funny Bunnies turn around. "HEEYYY–" they manage to say before they realize they're facing a pissy elf. Legolas uses his relatively impossible speed to fire arrows rapidly at the Funnies Bunnies. Within moments, the entire group of Bunnies has been slaughtered.

Kenshin sweatdrops as he stares at the group of dying cartoon bunnies. Seto, meanwhile, is ecstatic.

"Yay! I'm saved!!" he cheers, emerging from the bushes.

Legolas spits on one of the carcasses. "Slash my hair, will you?" Kenshin shakes his head as he watches his companions.

"Yay!! Prissiness saved me!!" Seto dances around Legolas, periodically kicking a Funny Bunny in joyful celebration. Legolas grunts and puts his bow away.

"C'mon, let's blow this joint," he says, walking back into the woods.

* * *

**Kenshin:** ^__^() You officially scare me now, that you do.

**Legolas:** (still miffed) Furry bastards…

**Seto:** My Hero!! (dances around in glee)

**Kenshin:** (sighs) Well, until next time!


	14. The Hammer of Happiness

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 14:** April 23, 2004  
**Updated:** July 16, 2009

**Chaos Val:** Well, I have determined something.

**Yugi: **What?

**Chaos Val: **Happy Fun Land is neither Happy nor Fun.

**Shiro:** Unless you see it as an Evil-Amusement-Park-of-Doom type of fun.

**Chaos Val:** True…

**Yugi:** And yet again, the authoress doesn't own anything.

**

* * *

**

Chapter Fourteen: The Hammer of Happiness

When we last left Chaos and Crew, they were on their way to Pegasus' castle, with an irate Mokuba in tow…

"I still can't believe you lost my brother!!" he gripes, before sniffling a forlorn little, "Seto…"

"Yup, I'm seeing a definite family resemblance here," Chaos states, looking at the little Kaiba. The foursome makes their merry little way through the forest, until they enter a clearing and see standing therein…

"Kimo!" Mokuba yelps before hiding behind Chaos.

"That's right, you're coming with me, little Kaiba." He smirks, pulling out his gun. The Puzzle flashes.

"Haven't we been through this before?" Yami asks, glaring at the guard.

Chaos pulls out the Hammer. "He's not going anywhere with you, spike-boy," she snarls.

Shiro pulls out his Uzis. "Yeah, and I've got bigger guns!!" the kitten brags.

Kimo's smirk only widens. "Well, why don't we have a duel, then? Whoever wins gets to take the brat."

Yami sighs. "Yes, this is definitely familiar." He starts to walk forward, pulling his deck out of his pocket. Kimo holds up his hand and shakes his head.

"Not this time, thumb-sucker. I know better than to challenge you again. This is a duel of Hammers – your little friend versus a Hammer Wielder of our own…" he gestures behind him. A ninja, dressed totally in black, drops from the foliage above, landing impressively beside Kimo. She whips out a Hammer with a bright yellow handle, before whipping off her mask, revealing…

The Millennium Puzzle flashes again, revealing a very shocked and confused Yugi. "Téa?!!" he and Mokuba cry simultaneously.

"Oh! You're the wielder of the Hammer of Happiness?" Chaos replies thoughtfully. Téa glares at Chaos before replying.

"Damn straight, bitch."

"But why are you siding with Pegasus?" Mokuba asks, giving Téa the big watery Puppy Dog Eyes. She snorts.

"I'm not. I'm here for revenge," she grits, still glaring at Chaos. Chaos sweatdrops.

"Heh heh, you're still mad about that whole Little Pink Cat incident, aren't you…" Chaos chuckles hesitantly.

"Darn tootin'," Téa replies.

"Look, about that, it was nothing personal… the Hammer of Cynicism was going into withdrawal, and…" Chaos tries to explain before Téa interrupts.

"FRIENDS DON'T BASH FRIENDS!!!" she yells.

Shiro rolls his eyes. "Do you want me to just shoot her and get it over with?" he asks Chaos, already bored.

Chaos shrugs. "I guess not. If she wants a fight, I guess I can oblige." She pulls out her Hammer and the two combatants begin to circle each other warily. Meanwhile…

"Téa?! Chaos?! I DON'T KNOW WHO TO CHEER ON!!!" Yugi laments. Shiro has no such problem.

"Beat her senseless, Chaos!!" Mokuba nods in agreement.

"Normally I like Téa, but there's no way I'm going back to that castle…" The little boy shudders.

Kimo, meanwhile, is circling back through the trees to sneak up behind the threesome…

* * *

_Back to the duel…_

"You're goin' down, be-atch," Téa snarls as she sizes Chaos up.

Chaos snorts and motions with her hand. "Bring it on!"

Téa lunges forward, attacking Chaos with an overhead swing, which Chaos quickly blocks. Chaos returns the attack with one of her own, which Téa in turn, blocks.

"Y'know, I think," Chaos pants, "You're taking this all a little too personally. Aren't friends supposed to forgive each other?"

Téa pauses and sighs, dropping her Hammer to her side. "You're right, I gues–" she manages to say before Chaos jumps forward and smashes Téa with her Hammer.

"HAH! Sucker!" Chaos cries as Téa crumbles to the ground. Chaos grins, looking around expectantly before she remembers where they are. "Damn, there's never a Little Pink Cat around when you need one…" she curses before turning to the others. Her eyes widen as she screams, "GUYS!!"

Shiro and Yugi both lie unconscious on the ground. Even after her scream, the small duelist remains oblivious, while Shiro moans groggily, "But I don't want to get up, mom!"

Mokuba is nowhere to be seen.

"Damn it! We lost him again!" Chaos curses. It takes some time, but Chaos finally wakes up Yugi and Shiro. The other two, still sporting massive headaches, follow Chaos through the woods, until they reach another familiar clearing…

"That's Pegasus' castle!!" Yugi tells his companions. Shiro cheers.

"Whoo-hoo! Open up the can o' whoop-ass!!" he calls, running up the stairs. Chaos corrects him.

"We're not here just to kick ass. Ass-whooping is merely an unanticipated bonus to rescue missions…" she replies, following the kitten and Duel King. The three begin to make their way up the staircase, when…

* * *

**Chaos Val:** (grins) You'll just have to find out what happens next time!

**Yugi: **You're evil.

**Chaos Val:** I know. (cackles madly)


	15. Of Wizards and Bridges

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 15:** April 30, 2004  
**Updated:** July 23, 2009

**Tomokato:** Yes, we're still underground. And no, the authoress doesn't own anything. Let's continue.

**

* * *

**

Chapter Fifteen: Of Wizards and Bridges

* * *

Continued from last time – Tomokato, Ryou, and Mai head towards an ominous-looking stone bridge situated some distance away from the mining dwarves.

"Eep! Is that lava?" Ryou squeals, trying to walk as far away from the lava pits as possible.

"Hmph. All this brimstone is definitely _not_ good for my complexion!" Mai complains grumpily. Tomokato rolls his eyes at the pair.

"We'll soon be out of here…" he consoles them, before muttering to himself, "Thank Buddha."

Our three adventurers walk through the Underworld, until they finally reach the Bridge in time to see…

"YOU… SHALL NOT… PASS!!!" a Random Wizard screams at a large demonic creature guarding the rather narrow stone bridge. The Balrog rolls his eyes, while his orc minions jeer and make faces.

"Oh please, like I haven't heard that before…" He smacks the wizard with his whip, sending him promptly over the side of the bridge.

"Yeah!! Take that!!" the orcs cry. Tomokato examines the group with a trained eye.

"We'll need to defeat him to pass," he tells his companions, who instantly sweatdrop.

"You go," they both reply. Tomokato raises an eyebrow at them.

"Look, its not that we're afraid – far from it," Ryou clarifies.

"It's just that we've got this thing about death – it's not us," Mai finishes. Tomokato sighs.

"Whatever," he concedes. He walks over to the bridge and gets in line behind the other random wizards.

* * *

_A half hour later…_

"You… Shall not…" Random Wizard #4 commands hesitantly, wincing up at the Balrog in fear. The Balrog snorts mockingly, and sends his whip flying. Smack! Another wizard down the hole.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Random Wizard #4 screams as he follows the others into the darkness.

"Don't let the door hit ya ass on the way out!!" the orcs cry. Tomokato moves forwards impatiently.

"About time…" he mutters, marching up to stand before the Balrog.

The Balrog whistles. "What a stud! Too bad I'll have to destroy you now…" he states, rushing forward.

They fight, and Tomokato slashes through the bridge with a swift side-ways Unicycle Blow, then ducked behind the Balrog and sliced through the stone again, this time with a Divine Outboard Motor Propeller Blow. The bridge falls out from under the Balrog, who begins to fall into darkness…

"FLY YOU FOOL!!!!" the orcs screech, but surprisingly, the Balrog (much like in a certain movie) did not use his common sense or his wings, and soon vanished into the darkness.

"He did it!!" Mai cheers as she glomps Ryou.

"Eep!" Ryou cries from her death grip.

Mai looks at the big gap in the Bridge, then across at Tomokato. "Hey, how are _we_ going to get across?"

* * *

_A few hours later…_

"Hey, no problem!! Thanks for defeating the demon!! Come, Halflings!" Random Wizard #5 wanders off with his furry-footed cohorts in tow.

"Whew!! Thank goodness for random wizards!!" Ryou sighs. Tomokato hides a snort.

"Whatever. Let's just get out of here," he commands, gesturing towards the staircase before them. They make it top-side, emerging at the foot of another long stone staircase, where…

* * *

**Chaos Val:** Haha! Have to wait till chapter seventeen to find out what happens next!!

**Mai:** Hey, what are you doing here?

**Chaos Val:** I'm in authoress-form. Gives me certain liberties…

**Tomokato:** Hmph. Where's my nephew?

**Chaos Val:** Staying out of trouble, I hope.

**Ryou:** Anyway, why are you here?

**Chaos Val:** Umm… (looks around nervously) Well, actually, I'm here to make sure everyone knows I ripped off that balrog scene…

**Mai:** We knew that.

**Chaos Val:** Twice?

**Ryou:** TWICE?!

**Chaos Val:** (sweatdrops) Yeah, remember they did that parody of LotR in "The Adventures of Samurai Cat" – the first book in the series? I (cough) borrowed (cough) it from there.

**Tomokato**: I thought that was familiar!!

**Chaos Val:** Yup. So please, don't SUE!!! I love you, Mark E. Rogers! (For those of you who don't know, he wrote the Samurai Cat series. He rocks!)


	16. Return of the Wolf

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 16:** April 30, 2004  
**Updated:** July 23, 2009

**Legolas:** (examining hair) Damn bunnies…

**Seto:** We're still alive!

**Kenshin:** And the disclaimer is the same as last chapter!!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Sixteen: Return of the Wolf

* * *

The three Bishies, having defeated the evil horde of rabid Funny Bunnies, have made their way deeper into the forest.

"Well, there's still no sign of anyone, that there isn't," Kenshin tells his companions as they walk along.

"We definitely need to work on your language skills, that we do," Seto replies snarkily.

"Oro?!" Kenshin goes swirly-eyed.

Anyway, they continue along until they come upon a fork in the road…

"I choose this path," Kenshin states, moving to stand beside a path with happy little bunnies hopping about it.

Seto's eye twitches. "Bunnies?!"

"And I, this path." Legolas moves towards a somber path with frolicking deer. Seto looks at the two, who return his stare expectantly.

"I refuse to glomp either one of you. Fight it out yourselves," Seto states, folding his arms with finality.

However, the decision was soon to be made for them as Saito appears, blocking Kenshin's path.

"I'm afraid I cannot let any of you past this point," he tells them, taking a long draw from his cigarette.

"Oro!!" Kenshin replies, staring at his nemesis.

"You again?" Seto asks, glaring at the Wolf.

"Yes," Saito replies haughtily.

"But why?!" Legolas asks, confused.

"I'm still holding a grudge against the authoress. Lousy walk-on…" Saito grumbles.

"I can understand that. But why don't you take it up with her?" Seto vaguely motions towards the forest where he assumes Chaos still lurks. Saito shrugs.

"Pegasus paid me to deal with you. That's just how the coin flips."

"So it's all about money?" Kenshin asks, resigned. Saito shakes his head.

"No – it's about a shit load of money. And grudges – can't forget personal grudges."

"Oh." Legolas nods before turning to Kenshin. "Hey, rurouni, get in there and take him out!"

"Why can't you do it?" Kenshin asks.

"Because I did it last time!" Legolas snarls.

"Oro!" Kenshin flashes his cute rurouni grin before reaching for his sakabato.

Seto rolls his eyes. "Allow me." He steps forward, waving off Kenshin as he pulls out his deck.

"Pish, you intend to defeat me using cards?!" Saito exclaims, smirking.

"Let's just get this over with already," Seto motions him forward. Saito attacks with the #2 Gatotsu, which Seto promptly blocks using Gyakutenno Megami.

"WHAT?!" Saito exclaims, reeling backwards.

Seto smirks. "Never seen the original Japanese version of Yu-Gi-Oh, have you?" he taunts. Saito growls and attacks with the #1 Gatotsu. Seto whips out Battle Ox, blocks again.

"I'm losing to playing cards?!" Saito pouts. Seto nods once.

"Yup." He pulls out the Blue Eyes White Dragon and turns it towards Saito. "White Lightning Attack!!" he yells, and lightning emerges from the card, engulfing Saito.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" he screams, while the watching elf and rurouni sweatdrop.

"Sucker," Seto smirks, kicking Saito's unconscious body. "Never doubt the heart of the cards."

"I thought you didn't believe in that?" Legolas exclaims. Seto snorts.

"I don't. But I also never pass up a good finishing line either," he tells his companions.

"Oh," Kenshin states, stepping over Saito carefully. Legolas follows.

"C'mon, lets find Mokuba," Seto tells them, walking confidently down the path, glaring at the bunnies as he does so. The three Bishies continue along until they reach the end of the woods, where…

* * *

**Chaos Val:** Hah! Again! Till next week!


	17. The Fellowhip Reunited

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 17:** January 2, 2005  
**Updated:** July 30, 2009

**Chaos Val:** Ummm… (looks around sheepishly) Anyone still here?

**Echo:** Anyone… Anyone… Anyone… Nope.

**Chaos Val:** Damn. Well, for those who haven't left in frustration, here's the long-awaited reunion chapter! May the glomping commence!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Seventeen: The Fellowhip Reunited

* * *

"Shiro?" Tomokato asks, looking up the staircase. Chaos, Shiro, and Yugi all turn around.

"Uncle Tomokato!!!!" Shiro cries, running down the steps to hug his uncle. Yugi's big violet eyes well up with happy tears.

"I love these family reunions!" he sniffs, wiping his eyes and smiling.

"Speaking of which… BISHIES!!!!" Chaos screams, flying down the steps past Mai and Ryou and towards the Three Bishies who have just emerged from the woods. They get the wide and frantic eyes.

"Oh Shit," they manage to squeak before Chaos flings herself on them.

"Glomping Frenzy!!! I've missed you all!!" she squeals. The rest of the Fellowhip (minus the bishies) smirk at the scene.

"A little help here please?" Seto asks, glaring towards a smug looking Pharaoh.

"Crowbar, anyone?" Legolas grits out.

"Orororororororo…" Kenshin moans.

_

* * *

_

Twenty minutes later…

"No Problem!!" Random, Conveniently Passing Wizard #5.23 states, wiping the drool off his hands with a tissue. "Come, munchkins!" he calls, and the wizard and his midgets vanish back into forest.

Kenshin smoothes the wrinkles out his gi in relief. "That was close. I didn't think we'd make it much longer."

"I'm so happy they're back!!" Chaos swoons, starry-eyed with joy.

Legolas whimpers and holds his bunny-damaged hair out to Mai. "I got a boo-boo…"

Mai hugs him. "There there… a quick trip to the salon should fix that right up…"

Seto rolls eyes, his arms crossed in annoyance. "Worry about Prissy's hair later – we've got a rescue mission to complete first."

"That's right. There's no telling what poor Mokuba is suffering right now…" Ryou says in agreement.

* * *

_And for those who wondered…_

"Memory!! All alone in the moonlight…" Pegasus wails, prancing about dressed in a furry cat suit.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! SSSAAAVVVEEE MEEEE!!!" Mokuba screams.

* * *

"Ew." Chaos shudders. "Show tunes. Poor kid."

"Pegasus in a cat suit…" Yugi trails off, sweatdropping.

"Scary…" Ryou whispers.

"GAH!! The inhumanity!! I'm coming little brother!!!" Seto yells, running up the staircase.

"Guess we'd better follow him. No telling what trouble he'll get into without us," Chaos says, shaking her head as she watches him.

"Or _with_ us…" Tomokato reminds her.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Chaos asks innocently.

"Only that we seem to attract a lot of trouble, that we do," Kenshin states.

"Oh. Okay!! Onwards!" Chaos yells, running up the stairs after Seto. The rest of the Fellowhip follows.

* * *

**Chaos Val:** Heh heh… well, short transitional chapter. I hope to finish this thing off fairly soon, then start on the very long-awaited sequel.

**Plot Twist:** Emphasis on Very.

**Chaos Val:** Bite me. Circumstances were against me.

**Exposition:** What circumstances?!

**Chaos Val:** Well, that big computer crash where I lost everything ring a bell? Then the original version of this got banned for being script format? Not to mention all the other crap…

**Plot Twist:** Whatever. How soon do you plan to update again?

**Chaos Val:** ASAP. There are only three chapters left, and I estimate that they'll take me about a couple of weeks to finish. I think.

**Exposition:** Sha, I'll believe that when I see it.

**Chaos Val:** Sigh. Me too.


	18. Storming the Castle

**Seto in Chaos Land  
****Series: **The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** November 2003  
**Posted Chapter 18:** October 4, 2009

**Seto:** (storms in with Chaos Val attached) Now this is just getting ridiculous!!

**Chaos Val:** (wails) But today's my birthday!! (not really)

**Seto:** I DON'T CARE!

**Legolas:** (to Seto) Hold still. Hello, lady. (flashes dazzling smile)

**Chaos Val:** Ooooooo…

**Kenshin:** (starts to work with crowbar) You really need to start wearing fan-girl retardant clothing, that you do.

**Seto:** (now free) I tried, but the trench coats aren't nearly as gravity defying as I'd like.

**Chaos Val:** (dazed) Onwards…

**

* * *

**

Chapter Eighteen: Storming the Castle

* * *

"I'm coming Mokey!!" Seto yells, running up the stairs before him. The rest of the Fellowhip looks at each other and shrug before chasing after him.

* * *

_A few minutes later…_

"Damn, that was a lot of steps," Chaos pants, leaning on the railing for support.

"How are we," Ryou pants, "Going to –" pant "Get in?" He gestures to the massive set of doors before them. The entire group looks at Yugi, who sweatdrops nervously.

"Oh no you don't. Not again…" he replies, clutching his head protectively.

"Lucky for you, I'm fresh out of Pixie Stix," Chaos replies after searching through her various pockets.

"And I don't see any conveniently passing wizards about, that I don't," Kenshin says after looking around.

"Oh well, we tried. Pizza, anyone?" Shiro asks with a nonchalant shrug.

Tomokato quirks an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting we give up?"

"Well… I'm hungry!" Shiro whines pathetically.

Meanwhile, a randomly passing light bulb accidentally smacks Chaos in the head.

"Ow!" she yelps, rubbing her forehead. "Hey! Idea!" She grins wickedly towards Ryou.

"Eep!" Ryou cries. The Millennium Ring flashes quickly…

"What? Hikari, why'd you switch…" Bakura trails off as he notices Chaos' expression. "Eep!"

* * *

_Ten minutes later…_

Chaos rings the doorbell next at the entrance to Pegasus' castle while Bakura fidgets nearby. Croquet opens the door slowly, eyeing the pair in obvious misgiving.

"Yes?"

Bakura and Chaos smile goofily in their new delivery uniforms. "Tomb Robber's Pizza!" they say together.

"Pizza so good, it's a crime!" Bakura adds.

"We have your order right here, Mr., ah, Crawford?" Chaos states, reading her slip of paper.

"There's no one here by that name," Croquet informs them icily.

"Look, we've got an order here for Pegasus J. Crawford at remote island #12. Is or is not your employer named Pegasus?" Chaos asks, poking him in the chest with her finger.

Croquet vein-pops, stepping out of the doorway towards the pizza-toting pair. "Look, my boss is Maximillion Pegasus. You've got the wrong island," he insists.

"What island is this, then?" Bakura asks haughtily. Meanwhile, the other Fellowhip members are sneaking through the door behind Croquet…

"This is remote island #17! #12 is 50 degrees to the right!" Croquet yells. Bakura smacks Chaos on the head.

"I told you it was 50 degrees to the right!!" he shouts.

"Ow!" Chaos whimpers, glaring at Bakura. "Pegasus Crawford, Maximillion Pegasus, what's the difference?" (Note 1) she asks with a shrug.

"A whole language," Croquet snarls, slamming the door in their faces.

"Well, that worked well," Bakura smirks. Chaos glares at him.

"If you ever smack me again…" she warns as he rolls his eyes.

"You'll what? Now, how do we get in?" He frowns as Chaos sweatdrops.

"You didn't have a plan to get us in?!" Bakura vein-pops.

"Umm…" Chaos ponders for a few moments before another Randomly Passing Light Bulb gives them the heads up.

"Coming through!!" he hollers, smacking Chaos upside the head again.

"Damn it!!" she winces, before her eyes widen. "Oo, idea!" She grins.

"Not again…" Bakura face-palms.

"Peggy's a Millennium Item holder, right?" Chaos asks, ignoring him.

"Umm, yes…"

"Well, he should have a private door to the Shadow Realm too! C'mon!" She tugs at his arm hopefully.

"Oh very well." Bakura shakes her off and starts chanting over the Ring. Bakura's Private Shadow Realm Entrance appears.

"C'mon!" Chaos squeals, dragging him through the door. A few dark moments later, they pop out of a tombstone in the Graveyard.

"Hey, Jack!" Bakura greets the Pumpkin King with a wave. Jack Skellington glances over at the Tomb Robber and grins his skeletal smile.

"Oh, hey Baku. About Halloween…" He then notices Chaos peering over Bakura's shoulder. "Eep!" He runs for it.

"Wha-?" Bakura asks in confusion.

Chaos shrugs. "I seem to be getting a lot of that lately. Anywho, long story," she waves Bakura's odd look off, glancing around the Graveyard. "Snuggles!!" she squeals.

The Reaper of the Cards pauses mid-"Whhoooommmm…" as he sees Chaos, whimpers, and turns tail and flies away.

Bakura sweatdrops. "Snuggles? On second thought, I just don't want to know."

They wander through the tombstones until they find…

"'Pegasus' Private Door'." Chaos reads aloud. "Jackpot!" She tries the handle. "Fudge. How good are you at picking locks?" Bakura stares at her mockingly before sighing and getting to work.

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

"Shouldn't we wait for the others?" Mai asks as the Fellowhip tiptoes through Pegasus' castle.

"Um, No," Seto, Kenshin and Legolas all reply simultaneously.

"My top priority is finding Mokuba. I have no time to wait for obsessive, Bishonen addicted –" Seto is cut off as Chaos appears suddenly from a swirling Shadow Realm doorway.

"Bishies!!" As you can guess, she glomps them.

The Three Bishies "Ooof" resignedly.

"Did you miss me?" she asks cheerfully. Seto snorts.

"Yes. I cried every minute you were gone," he respond, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Chaos, of course, misses it completely as she focuses solely on his words.

"Really?!" She becomes dazed by the happiness.

Seto pries himself free. "I'll have to remember that tactic. Now, to find my little brother!"

* * *

**Chaos Val:** Oooooo, only two more chapters, people!!

**Mokuba:** Yay!!

**Chaos Val:** (confused) What are you doing here?

**Mokuba:** Ummm…

**Kimo:** (runs in) Hey, Thumbsucker!

**Mokuba:** Gotta go!! (runs away)

**Kimo:** Brat, get back here!! (follows Mokuba)

**Chaos Val: **Well, that was random.

**Note 1:** What about me?

**Chaos Val:** Oh yeah. You, Note, explain yourself!!

**Note 1:** Well, in the pizza scene –

**Chaos Val:** The idea for which I stole from the Great Muppet Caper –

**Note 1:** The answer to Chaos' question is that there is none. For those who are unfamiliar with the Japanese Yu-Gi-Oh!, ol' Maxi's name was originally Pegasus J. Crawford.

**Chaos Val:** They changed it to Maximillion Pegasus for the dubbed anime, and for some reason they changed it to that for the manga as well.

**Note 1:** I had assumed they'd leave it at Crawford, since all the other names are the original Japanese.

**Chaos Val:** Yeah, makes no sense to me. Thank you, Note 1. See ya next week!


End file.
